2011/10/19

The Top 25 Songs of 1984

The Top 150 Songs of 1984 + 100 Planes of Parallel Existence
Part 1: The Concept of Living 100 Separate Lives Simultaneously
Part 2: The Control Room
Part 3: Bosco's Early Deaths
Part 4: Mayday! Mayday! Red Altert! Squirrels! Mayday!
Part 5: Abnormal Executions
Part 6: Nakita, She's the One

Part VI: Nakita, She's the One


Press play to listen to the songs.



With 3/4 of his screens reading "DEAD", the Control Room personnel decided they had to take drastic measures, or else Paradise was potentially doomed. They had to act fast, but was unsure what to do, for this had never happened before. Trial and error, they just had to push a few buttons to see what would happen.

Plane #1 is the plane of actual conception, by the actual parents who first conceived you. On Plane #1, Bosco was conceived normally, by fairly normal parents in 1984. What he was unaware of, was that in 1981, his parents conceived another child, Nakita Jones, and this too is her Plane #1, with the exact same actual conceptual parents. However, back in '81, Bosco's parents were still young and could not afford the child, and therefore put her up for adoption. Nakita's new parents adopted her shortly after birth, and they moved to St. Petersburg, Russia. Nobody ever informed Bosco that he had a biological sister and his parents felt it was best to erase it from their memory. Throughout all the planes in the Universe, Bosco and Nakita Jones share several together, but this is the only one in which they actually developed a meaningful intimate relationship.

In 2008, Nakita returned to the United States, and by chance, met Bosco at a indie show at The Southgate House in Newport, KY (aka Cincinnati, OH Southside). Nakita Jones had a dominating personality and Bosco somewhat of a passive one. Somewhere in the show, the two were inadvertently standing close to each other. Bosco's hand accidentally brushed up against her and she turned around and confronted him. She kept forcing the issue and purposely put herself in a place where Bosco would have to accidentally touch her and she would make violent death threats to him for this.

25. The Raincoats
"No One's Little Girl"  4:30
Moving
London, England

After the show, Nakita took Bosco to her house, pushed him down on the bed, and they had sex for several hours. Bosco cites this as the greatest moment of his life, and would not even care if he found out that she was his biological sister. The two continued a passionate sexual relationship and regularly had sex 20-30 times a week. This persisted up until the other day at the Travelodge, when Bosco was on top of her humping vigorously, then all sudden, flew up into the air crashing into the ceiling. He dropped back down to the bed, bounced off, and shot out the window. That was obviously the wrong button.

24. Gai
"How Long Do You Give Me"  4:39
Damnation
Fukuoka, Japan

Plane #36, Milwaukee, WI. Bosco was standing out on Old World 3rd Street downtown smoking a cigarette. He was standing in front of a bar that had a lifelike statue of a cow standing inside of a dog house on the sidewalk. Bosco was observing this cow, when it suddenly came to life. "There is great danger across the street", the cow warned. A gigantic seagull approached and agreed, "it would be best to run now." A strange man appeared on the corner and started behaving outlandishly, screaming with a high pitch voice. The cow once again warned Bosco to run away. But, it was too late, the man dashed across the street towards Bosco with a Cutco Hardy Slicer. The seagull flew away; the cow returned to being an inanimate statue.

23. Julian Cope
"Reynard the Fox"  6:23
Fried
Deri, Wales/Avebury, England

On Plane #10, the two most prominent people on Earth were Peter Pick and Stan Save, as the two had opened up the world's most ever successful grocery business, named after their last names, Pick 'n Save. However, Pick 'n Save had been using bullying practices to obtain new land, and it was rumored that they had an army that apprehended war prisoners from Haiti and used them as slaves to work in the produce department. The other day, Pick 'n Save refused to give Bosco a discount even though he presented them with his Roundy's card- they claimed it wasn't on sale anymore. Bosco went ballistic. He stood on the cash register and started shouting out all the terrible accusations Pick 'n Save was conspired to be involved in, and even made up a few more. Once the manager came, he kicked over all the tabloid magazines, and in a state of protest, removed the Cutco Hardy Slicer from his backpack, and spilled his guts out all over checkout #5.

22. Swans
"Your Property"  4:46
Cop
New York, NY

On Plane #88, the popular hit soap opera Days of Our Lives was so influential, that an ordinance was passed that all people have to watch every new episode, and spend a minimum of 2 hours a day watching this. People are expected to look and act the all the characters. It's actually considered appropriate to fake a death before going on vacation, then return with insomnia while getting involved in 29 different love affairs and mysteriously becoming pregnant with somebody else's child (BTW-the Control Room utilizes this aspect when it needs to do a forced conception- these are actually welcome here). The other day, Bosco decided, "fuck this shit". He put on a gas mask and terrorized the streets with his machine gun (he had been told in a dream that this was a good way to secure he would never have to spend paradise with any of these pricks). Marlene, who had drowned a few days ago emerged from the waters pregnant with Colin's child, who also may or may not be the father of Lindsey's 27th child. She saved the day with her new friend she mysteriously met in the lake- The Creature From the Black Lagoon. Is he the father? Commercial break.

21. Half Japanese
"Ball and Chain"  3:10
Sing No Evil
Coldwater, MI

Plane #68 saw Bosco married to a completely insane woman named Debbie Dialup. She was abusive, and constantly yelled at him for various things like not paying the electric bill on time, out getting into trouble with his friend Scott the talking horse, or not taking care of the various responsibilities she had assigned to him. Bosco was miserable in this relationship and wanted out. Actually, he longed for a somewhat similar relationship with Nakita Jones but envisioned she would also be friends with Scott. The other day, Debbie Dialup went to Barnes & Nobles and purchased a self-help manual titled, "Managing Your Finances Using Satan's Powers" insisting Bosco needs to read this. When she got home, she found Bosco in bed humping his pillow. Beside his pillow was his cell phone featuring a random photograph he had snapped of Nakita Jones while she wasn't looking; he was humping the pillow pretending it was Nakita. Debbie Dialup grabbed the phone, looked at the picture, forced Bosco's mouth open, and crammed his cell phone down his throat. This caused a disturbance in the Paradise counseling lobby; the other dead Bosco's kept trying to text this dead Bosco to see what would happen.

20. Slaughter
"Incenerator"  5:33
Bloody Karnage
Toronto, ON  Canada

On Plane #94, race, gender, sexual orientation, none of that matters. What does matter, however, is a person's star sign. For some reason, the sign of Leo had been deemed evil, and these people were constantly being oppressed. The other day, after a massive riot that saw the world's leader assassinated, an ethnic cleansing was ordered to get rid of Leos once and for all. Bosco was considered a Leo here.

19. Кино
"Транквилизатор"  4:57
Начальник Камчатки
St. Petersburg, Russia

Plane #37, and pretty much the rest of the universe: Nakita Jones was not your typical woman. She had a powerful aura to her, and was more punk than even Lydia Lunch. Nakita was never seen drunk acting foolish on Brady Street getting carried by some lug head, she was never seen in Asheville making out with some gross bearded hippy, didn't fall for douchy lines, never invited two losers from Austin with ponytails to her home because they were "nice", and Nakita could walk right through Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati and beat the living shit out of any person who tried to assault her. Bosco despised all of the same things that she also despised, and was enamored by the way she conducted herself; super impressed with how she handled losers harassing her. Bosco, on the other hand, struggled with people constantly harassing him, and just tried to ignore them.

Nakita Jones owned a bar that played great music, featured excellent live bands, and offered $1 PBR's. Bosco and Scott the talking horse were regulars at Nakita's place. Truth be known, Nakita had a fondness for Bosco, who, you'll never believe this, was downright infatuated with her- to the extreme Scott was tired of hearing about her the entire way home every night. Finally, Scott insisted he talk to her, or else he was going post that Bosco was a homosexual on all of his family member's Facebook page. Bosco agreed to do it.

In order to get to the concert venue section of Nakita's club, you have to walk down a massive flight of steps into the basement. Bosco was so nervous that he fell head first down the steps. The Control Room personnel have a warped sense of humor, and this "DEAD" five second video clip of Bosco tumbling down the steps was e-mailed to all the staff who laughed for hours watching it.

18. Tall Dwarfs
"The Brain That Wouldn't Die"  3:20
Slugbucket EP
Dunedin, New Zealand

The Control Room personnel sensed danger on Plane #4 and hoped to catch it in time. Bosco was in a cafe awaiting his order. Seated at the table beside where he was standing was a woman in her 30's wearing really short shorts with a slit up the side. Bosco kept glancing over to peak at her legs and try to get a glimpse of her butt that was potentially bared with the low shorts. This woman was actually complaining about teenage girls who run around half naked; this made Bosco think about his favorite web site in which teenage girls run around all the way naked. She then stooped so low as to blame pornography for teenage girls dressing this way; Bosco credited pornography for this wonderful attribute of society and began delving into erotic fantasies involving this 30 something woman in her shorts seducing a few of these half naked teenage girls. Control Room personnel again pushed the wrong button, and this somehow enabled the 30 year old woman to hear Bosco's thoughts. She confronted him, obviously, and went on a tirade as to how pornography has such a negative effect on society and perverts like him. Bosco blamed Fox News for psychotic women who enter coffee shops carrying an axe.

17. Nick Cave
"Saint Huck"  7:24
From Her to Eternity
Warrackbaneal, AU/Berlin, Germany/Brighton, England

Plane #54, insects speak fluently in every language. Burt, world famous entrepreneur of Burt's Beeswax lip ointment, is living out his Plane #26, to attempt to dictate change in world not suited to his liking. Burt was actually successful with this, and had wagered war. There was another famous Bert, at Waffle House, known for Bert's Chili. Deciding Waffle House was the first place to wager war, Burt entered the Waffle House in Covington looking like this. He unleashed the bees, and death to all eating this chili. Bosco just so happened to be trying Bert's Chili for the first time ever and thought it tasted like "shit". Who says it never hurts to try new things?

16. Celtic Frost
"Dethroned Emperor"  4:38
Morbid Tales
Zürich, Switzerland

Things had really started to get out of hand. On Plane #86, the emperor of the planet Xykleass came down to visit Earth because that planet had become fascinated with this exciting new concept called mail. The leaders of Xykleass were gathered at the local Howard Johnson in a convention with key representatives from the Post Office discussing all the policies involved, and potentially establishing a Post Office on Xykleass.

Jezebel was squawking away on her cell phone with Tiffany about the exact same pointless shit they always talk about. By coincidence, they happened to be travelling on the same road and were getting ready to pass each other. "Oh my God, I totally see you", Jezebel told Tiffany. The road was closed, but they were so enamored with seeing each other, that they didn't see the road closed sign, nor the emperor of Xykleass standing in the road. Tiffany and Jezebel would have crashed into each other anyway, but they just so happened to sandwich and crush the emperor of Xykleass. The Xykleassians became so outraged that they detonated the Earth with one fire of a laser. Bosco was sitting at home listening to music when this happened.

15. Зоопарк
"Блюз субботнего вечера"  3:44
Белая полоса
St. Petersburg, Russia

Plane #46, Bosco was killed in a car accident on the way to work. He was driving too fast because he was running late. Also, he was not paying a single bit of attention to the road. He was running late because he decided to stop at City Market for lunch before starting work at 5:00 PM. His dream woman, Nakita Jones, was in there eating also. Bosco knew of her, seen her around town, knew where she worked, and often fantasized about her.

It wasn't the mere stopping here that made him late, after he was finished eating, he sat by himself, peaking over at Nakita out the corner of his eye, awaiting her to finish eating. After she was finished with her food, she got up and left. As soon as she was out the door, Bosco raced over to her table, picked up the napkin she had been using, sniffed it, and then put it in his back pocket. Also, he scraped all the uneaten portions of food on her plate into his front pocket. He wasn't paying any attention to his driving because he had the remnants of a half-eaten oatmeal raisin cookie in his hand that he had obtained from Nakita's plate- he was sniffing it and even licked it. His car actually went up the ramp of the U-haul truck that was being unloaded and Bosco's car soared through the air and crashed upside down on Farwell Ave. Good cookie, though.

14. Black Flag
"Forever Time"  2:31
My War
Hermosa Beach, CA

Plane #98, Bosco was sentenced to life in prison for a crime he didn't commit. For that matter, he had no clue how his name even got involved because he knew nothing of the victims and was nowhere near the scene of the crime. His prison mate, Stan, actually ranked #14 on his most compatible love affair list. The other day, Bosco felt invincible again. He got up from the recreation area where he was playing cards, walked over to the guards and said he was leaving; "see you guys later," he put it. Bosco walked to the exit (the guards followed in disbelief) and he told them to open the gate, "I'm getting out of here," he put it calmly. They laughed at him. In a most shocking move, Bosco, successfully, apprehended one of the guard’s guns and demanded the gate be opened. Surprisingly, they backed off, and opened the gate. Once he walked out though, they shot him in the back.

13. Jacobites
"Silver Street"  4:55
S/T
London, England

On Plane #56, Bosco was having a "High Fidelity" moment. His girlfriend recently left, a month after she was gone, he declared that she officially made the Top 5 breakups in his history. He was reflecting on all his Top 5, and contemplating what he regretted. Cootie McGee was a pretty as your mother used to be. Tiffany was just plain stupid. What he really wanted was Nakita, but knew he could never have her- she was way too good for him. Perhaps he was destined for failure. But why? He took a long walk to think about this. He thought so long, that he ended up in the middle of the wilderness and had no idea how he got there or how to get out. Screen #56 shows Bosco in the mouth of a Cougar being shook around.

12. Пикник
"Инквизитор"  5:38
Танец волка
St. Petersburg, Russia

On Plane #65, Bosco and Nakita attended college together and were in many of the same classes. On this plane, Bosco was forced to speak to her because they were assigned as partners for the final class project. Bosco actually got to enter her house and work on the project with her. There seemed to be an attraction, Bosco was madly in love, and she patted him on the shoulder after the project was complete- actual physical contact! After graduation, she moved back to St. Petersburg. Bosco thought of her as often as Forest Gump thought of Jenny, named his car Nakita, etc. He sat next to a walrus on the bus named Ted (the walrus being named Ted, the bus was named Albert), who encouraged him to go to St. Petersburg and find the woman of his dreams. The bus, Albert, agreed and told him to do the same.

Off to St. Petersburg he went. Bosco didn't speak a lick of Russian, had no clue where to even look, and those in Russia who could speak English all made fun of him and ridiculed him insinuating he was searching for a mail order bride. Suddenly feeling immortal, Bosco thought that maybe he could make headline news by doing a swan dive off of a rooftop onto Palace Square, and Nakita would see this. Luckily, the splatter made his body unidentifiable, and Nakita never knew it was him.

11. Roger Waters
"4:50 AM (Go Fishing)"  7:00
The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking
Great Bookham, England

Bosco #65 looked at all of his screens and wondered just how it all went wrong. He watched a similar stance on Plane #79 as Bosco seemed to be looking out at the universe searching for an explanation. What had he done wrong? The answer was nothing, really. Sure, he was a bit unusual, had a few demented sexual fantasies, a warped sense of humor, but he never really did anybody any genuine harm to anyone who does not resemble the cast of a soap opera. Somehow, he got completely misplaced in the ever expanding universe due to a clerical error that he had no control over. He was suddenly feeling remorseful for it did not seem fair that everybody else seemed to be permitted to enjoy themselves and he was not able to fit in anywhere. The rain started to pour, but Bosco did not care. The tides rushed in, an abandoned home that was painted white swept to the shore. Inside an alligator was cooking dumplings in the kitchen. The house spun around and flew through the air, and crashed into farmer Mike's tomato garden. A tsunami was coming. Before it even struck, all the buildings started the collapse, the trees fell, and grass started shooting up from the ground. Everything was gone. It was pitch white. Pure nothingness. Just Bosco. And the tsunami wave.

10. Flipper
"The Light, The Sound"  3:41
Gone Fishin'
San Francisco, CA

Plane #22 saw Bosco living in a fairly nice neighborhood. The upscale beauty salon a short walk from his apartment had a chair for rent. The other day, Bosco decided that he was going to rent this chair. He filled out all the paperwork, fabricated answers in order to pass the exam, withdrew all of his money from the bank, $417, and the chair was rightfully his for the month. Although the salon was busy, Bosco had no customers, nor did he know a single thing about being a hair stylist. While all the rest of the chairs were being occupied by people getting haircuts, colors, and whatnot, Bosco simply sat in his chair reading the magazines from the waiting area.

Finally, he arose, and declared he was taking his lunch break. He walked to the back area and gathered all the tools and gadgets he had brought in with him. During the busy time of the afternoon, Bosco worked diligently on his newly purchased chair, crawled around the area, underneath the table, and was hooking up some sort of a device. The other beauticians and customers watched Bosco, curious as to what he was doing. With the use of a generator and the electrical outlet, Bosco ran a series of wires to his chair, and rigged up a lever. He sat back down in the chair, cuffed his hands in, put some weird device on his head, pulled the lever with his foot, and electrocuted himself in his homemade electric chair he just rented at the hair salon. A well spent $417.

9. D.R.I.
"Violent Pacification"  2:58
Dirty Rotten LP
Houston, TX/San Francisco, CA

Plane #50. Bosco does not seem to genuinely like one single person in his surroundings. However, he always finds himself having to deal with these people way too often than he would like, and based on the circumstances, seems to always be in a position where he feels as if he has to be nice to them.

The other day he decided he wasn't going to be nice to them anymore, especially if they were blatantly annoying. He didn't speak to anybody he passed on the street, kept conversations short whenever he had to say something, and was deliberately rude to customers who asked what he considered a stupid question. On the way home, he was speeding in his car, attempting to pass all the other cars that were driving way too slow. Once he was in the clear, and had passed the whole long line of cars that were clogging the lane, he declared to himself, "I want away from all you people!", (right then, he spotted Nakita Jones walking down the sidewalk in fitness apparel), "except for her", as he slammed on his brakes to check her out. For reasons unknown, right when he hit his brakes, his car came to a complete stop and transformed into a gigantic sesame seed bun with him submerged in the middle. Within seconds, Bosco was engulfed with sea gulls and never seen again.

8. Cocteau Twins
"Lorelei"  3:42
Treasure
Grangemouth, Scotland

The other day was an absolutely gorgeous day on Plane #31, as the sun shone brightly and they sky was its gorgeous purple-y pleasantry with that soft yellow tint only seen in these parts. The happy sun made a nice face to the others, but scowled at Bosco, and flipped him the middle finger. As Bosco walked down the boulevard, all the windows flew open, and people crowded onto the balconies as Bosco passed. They all booed at him, heckled, and shouted profanity at him. Mrs. McGraw flung a cheese grater at him and beamed him in the head. Bosco hadn't done anything; he didn't even know these people. But, they watched him under a microscope and did not approve of anything he ever did; didn't like the way he dressed, looked, or walked. Wherever he went, they paraded behind him, shouting profanity the whole way. Fed up, Bosco simply walked to the edge of the world, and leapt off.

7. Аквариум
"Небо становится ближе"  6:38
День Серебра (Day of the Silver)
St. Petersburg, Russia

On Plane #17, Bosco was a forced conception into a wealthy family. His father's side of the family had founded the city of Corpus Christi, and his mother's side invented the famous cereal Wheaties. However, due to the fact that he was a forced conception, he was unwanted, regarded as a loser by friends of the family, and constantly scrutinized for his actions.

One day, he disbanded his entire family and rode his bike around the world in search of his Plane #53. Throughout his journey, he encountered numerous people, worked various jobs, and finally fell in love with one Nakita Jones in the city of St. Petersburg, Russia. Because of what he considered love at first sight, Bosco remained in St. Petersburg for a prolonged period of time. Unfortunately, he soon discovered that he was not on Plane #53 in St. Petersburg and was just as much of a social outcast as he was with his family. He began to question whether or not he had any place at all in this world, and as to why he was even here. If only he could speak Russian. If only Nakita felt the feelings of love at first sight too. If only he noticed the road closed signs and didn't ride his bike into the 17' foot manhole. If only the sewer pipe hadn't been opened and he happened to land perfectly inside. If only the pipes were padded and not made of steel and concrete. If only there weren't rats in this sewer.

6. U2
"Promenade"  2:34
The Unforgettable Fire
Dublin, Ireland

The houses all looked significantly different on Plane #81, but the people all looked and acted the exact same. Bosco had travelled to this strange kingdom with his then-girlfriend Eleanor Roosevelt IV. They since broke-up, and Eleanor Roosevelt IV moved away. It was like that awkward feeling of going to a social gathering with friends, without knowing any other person at the gathering in which is being attended. Then, the friends leave, and you are there and don't know a single person, except for a couple of recently-met acquaintances... constantly thinking "I should really get going", but don't know how or when to word it. Yea, Bosco should really get going, but seems stuck. Finances are a problem, and those acquaintances he made who keep insisting he stay in this kingdom.

For the most part though, Bosco spends his time alone, walking around by himself, going out at night by himself, doing everything by himself. Since Eleanor Roosevelt IV left, she took many of their essential belongings with her- the bed, the dishes, the pans- Bosco did not have any of these things now. He began to miss Eleanor Roosevelt IV, severely, and wished their relationship didn't end when it did, he even questioned all the aspects of how it happened. However, he was totally free, to do whatever he wanted, even if that means standing out in front of Pick 'n Save passing out literature claiming allegations that he was sexually abused by Marie Callendar and people should not buy her products. There were no repercussions whatsoever, and nothing he did stayed on his permanent record. But, without Eleanor Roosevelt IV, Bosco did not take very good care of himself, developed irregular eating habits, started smoking and drinking in excess, and somehow came down with the Bubonic Plague. The aspirin didn't exactly cure the Bubonic Plague like he hoped, and nobody even noticed his disappearance. He was never even found.

5. Danielle Dax
"Fortune Cheats"  3:56
Jesus Egg That Wept
Southend-On-Sea, England

On Plane #27, the Earth is also inhabited with squorpies, a creature that somewhat has the facial features of a cartoon aardvark, but with red eyes; their bodies are shiny silver and look like animated cartoons. They walk erect, but do not communicate with humans. They can, however, communicate with snoggeryites. A snoggeryite is a blue cartoon-like horse creature, but with a long trunk; snoggeryites can only communicate with squorpies and horses. Horses talk like humans, but like the snoggeryite, walk on four legs. Frogs walk erect, dress in the most suave of fashions, and can communicate with every single species on Earth.

On Plane #27, frogs have a lot of political and economical power, for Doug Emberts reigned on the planet. Doug, a frog from what we know as Louisiana is believed to be the son of God here, and basically took over the world. Frogs are high class citizens, all of them. The rest of the world is 2nd-14th class, depending. Bosco, Scott the talking horse, and Rgdjgadfehjbad (snoggeryite for "rooster face") were walking the street at night. There was a squorpie across the street, it spotted the group, and walked abruptly down the other side of the road; squorpies are generally passive creatures. The group encountered Chuminy, a frog dressed in tailor fitted orange jeans and a fashionably fitted button-down shirt.

Chuminy began to make some weird noises-he was speaking to the squorpie, more weird noises to the snoggeryite, and finally said some things to Bosco and Scott the talking horse. A different squorpie joined the group, and the five different species conversed on the street about mismatching irrelevant subjects that only Chuminy the frog could understand entirely. Sensing that none of them knew what was being said in the segments when Chuminy spoke another language to the other species, and being the prankster Chuminy was, the frog decided it would be fun to misinterpret things about what the other said. Nobody knows exactly what Chuminy said to the squorpie (it sounded like eww euiekdde ghde ahhh), but the squorpie suddenly acted as if it were infected with rabies and chomped off Bosco's head.

4. Bruce Springsteen
"Born in the U.S.A."  4:41
Born in the U.S.A.
Freehold, NJ

Plane #43; The Control Room; Detroit, MI. With only four lives remaining, The Control Room began to get desperate and had no choice to intervene. A staff of hundreds were working diligently to resolve the issues such as natural disasters and vehicles turning into sesame seed buns. The Bosco of Plane #43 was living in Detroit, MI and was homeless and hopeless. As it just so happens, at the time of intervention, Bosco was seated in a dark alleyway, doped up, attempting to decipher what particular moment caused this drastic downfall. It seemed there was always something; some sort of disaster looming in the horizon. Financial troubles mostly, Paul always robbed Bosco before he even had the chance to pay Peter. And, there were numerous traffic tickets that kept piling up at inconvenient times. He could never get ahead. Due to an unpaid ticket, his vehicle registration was suspended, and that led to him getting drafted. Bosco survived the war, but wish he hadn't.

The war was not his to fight, but human instinct in regards to survival sometimes overwhelms humanitarian ethics, and Bosco never coped with what went on in the war. Once back in the U.S.A., the same problems returned, finances, late fees, tickets, and Bosco was eventually imprisoned for inciting a riot for his participation in an anti-war protest. After his sentence, Bosco was released with no money, no job, and no place to go. That's when the control room intervened.

Mysteriously in the alleyway, appeared a briefcase full of money, a plane ticket with his name on it, a passport, as well as a pamphlet with specific guidelines as to turn his life around. Bosco assumed it was a scam, wanted nothing to do with the rest of society. Bosco took $4 out of the briefcase and went and purchased a ski mask. He applied the ski mask, gathered his gun that he obtained from the military, and entered his bank with the briefcase full of money. Upon ordering everybody down on the ground, he went on a tirade about how the bank's policies are unethical and apparently these losers need money more than he. So, Bosco went behind the counter and dumped all of the money onto the floor, shouting, "Here, take all my money. You fuckers happy now! $8 overdraft, this should fucking cover it!" Although Bosco was not actually robbing the bank, the police came in and shot him anyway.

3. Hüsker Dü
"What's Going On"  4:23
Zen Arcade
Minneapolis, MN

Plane #81, the other day. When Bosco awoke, he was not in his bed, nor his home, nor any place he had ever seen before. Somehow, he was in a pleasant vacation resort and was being served breakfast by room service. The Control Room, with the use of a hook similar to that in the once popular video game Roller Coaster Tycoon, picked Bosco up and placed him here for careful analysis. However, Bosco, to say the least, freaked out about this. Previously on the plane, Bosco had been kidnapped several years ago by Wilma Flintstone and served as her sex slave. The disappearance of Bosco was baffling, and the rest of the world considered him dead a long time ago. This was the ideal world for the Control Room personnel to intervene.

As it turned out, Bosco did manage to escape a few weeks ago, but found life on the outside difficult. Job interviewers were curious as to why he had not held an employment position in the past five years, and when he explained about being kidnapped by Wilma Flintstone and being abused, there was an awkward silence followed by roars of laughter. Furthermore, Bosco had no clue had to get in contact with any person he once knew.

So, when Bosco awoke in a vacation resort, he assumed he had been kidnapped again and had no clue as to what was going on. As the people on the resort were trying to calm him down, Bosco's head was racing with tremendous thoughts; he kept talking, asking outrageous questions, and panicking rather than listening. He grew defensive and thought all of these strange people on the resort were out to attack him. They all had him cornered outside on the patio by the luxurious swimming pool; there was no risk of a natural disaster- that had been resolved. The Control Room almost had everything resolved, except for two things, the feelings of immortality, and what is commonly known throughout the universe as "forced shark conception".

Yes, within minutes, the swimming pool was infested with sharks. Bosco had crazy thoughts going through his head that he had no control over. One of the sharks happened to be Rico, who could walk and talk. He assembled the rest of clan of sharks, and they actually got out of the pool and got into a heated argument with the resort staff. Chaos ultimately ensued, they were yelling at each other, arguing, tensions were mounting, it was hot, Bosco was confused. He tried to run, but the resort staff chased after him with the tranquilizer shot. The sharks took offense and attacked the staff. Bosco punched Rico. Within minutes, all the people involved were eaten by the sharks, who later returned to whatever plane they came from. Luckily, Control Room staff figured out this resolution and sharks were no longer going to be a problem.

2. Minutemen
"It's Expected I'm Gone"  2:05
Double Nickels on the Dime (#1 Album)
San Pedro, CA

Unlike Bosco #81, who wonders what's going on inside his head, the Bosco on Plane #15 makes certain his head is attached to his body. Bosco's neighbors, Earl Roderick and Scott the talking horse, are the voices of reason. Surprisingly, Bosco has his life pretty well together on this plane. Equally surprising, so does Scott the talking horse, who on so many other planes, is as much of a social degenerate as Bosco. However, this does not mean that Bosco is rich and famous, achieved all of his dreams and ambitions, and the world is suited to his liking. In fact, it's quite the opposite, but Bosco has reached a level of contentment, and has confided in two close friends Earl and Scott. The three together are actually planning to open a business together, and possibly from there move on to bigger and better things- Scott the talking horse wants to be in a band.

Control Room personnel guessed this was going to be the plane that survives the longest, and perhaps they could make their determinations of Paradise based on this plane. So this led to the downfall of man.

While walking down the street the other day, Bosco suddenly collapsed in the streets, and was pronounced dead. Plane #15 read "DEAD" and displayed a crowd of people gathered around Bosco. He had been dead for 19 minutes and was getting loaded into the back of an ambulance when he miraculously came back to life and pretended as if nothing ever happened. As they were rolling him out of the ambulance, a large wind picked up and the cot Bosco was lying on rolled down the hill and was struck by an oncoming garbage truck. Bosco was killed instantly, and his body grotesquely damaged. Once again, the screen read: "DEAD" but this time displayed Bosco flipped over on the cot with his face smashed into the sidewalk. Seven minutes later, Bosco once again miraculously returned to life, with pieces of his skull sticking out of his head. This process continued for nearly an hour, with Bosco repeatedly getting killed and then coming back to life.

The Control Room soon realized that Bosco's malfunctioning error had been caused by one remaining virus. They were finally able to track the virus, quarantine it, and finally, they pressed delete and destroyed the virus. However, when they destroyed the virus, all remaining life on Plane #15 was exterminated. Control Room personnel watched for a few minutes as Bosco was all alone in the world, completely isolated, with blood spewing out of his head. The Control Room Supervisor watched, shook his head, declared "fuck it," pushed a button, and Bosco was struck by lightning and disintegrated into smoke.

#1!  Prince and the Revolution
"Purple Rain"  8:41
Purple Rain
Minneapolis, MN

Plane #72 is the only plane in the universe that is under strict supervision and intervention by Control Room staff. Every move that Bosco makes is closely monitored by somebody 24 hours a day. All of the defects in Bosco's system has been corrected. However, this is the only plane in which personnel are able to determine what is Paradise for Bosco. Therefore, they have to cram a lot of experiments into Bosco's life in order to see what fits and what doesn't. Furthermore, they have to take special precautions in order to ensure that Bosco is not killed prematurely. There are puzzling traffic jams that arise, this is because potential dangers that could jeopardize Paradise linger up ahead, and personnel have to make sure Bosco does not get involved with any of these. Unfortunately, this is not Bosco's most suited environment, but it will have to do. Bosco is unable to keep a long term relationship here, personnel keeps shifting people in and out of his life to see which is best.

This does bring about some sorrow, for it is such a shame that some friendships have to end. Bosco has had to endure numerous break-ups, checking to see which ones are most compatible. Bosco has relocated several times, see where his ideal environment lies. Most unfortunate, Bosco is not permitted to discover anything new, for, based on his personality traits, getting involved with a new invention is a potential risk. There are numerous encounters with the police, this is to make certain that Bosco does not stray off course.

On the good side, Bosco's ailments are cured quickly for he is not permitted to die. Lots of peculiar things happen in Bosco's life, most of his acquaintances have been provided by staff, and the world makes no sense to him. For the most part, he is unhappy, but he has to go through with life anyway, never knowing what to expect, but always suspicious of something and everyone. Any time he finds happiness, it seems to all vanish and he is in an entire different setting.

Several years passed of this, and Bosco had no clue as how he ended up here- moved here with a girl, she was gone, now its all these people. Again. He was walking down the street planning his next move, for it was time, once again, to relocate. Then, all of sudden, yes, he killed himself.

This was not a suicide, nor were there any intentions. As previously stated to the wonderful song by The Dream Syndicate, on Plane #100, Bosco jumped out of an interplanetary space vessel and into a free fall that was untraceable after he died. Well, Bosco #100 finally landed, in Plane #72, right on top of Bosco. Yet another example of how this world made no sense whatsoever.


BONUS MATERIAL!

We have to go back to 1972 for the story's finale.

#17 of 1972. Uriah Heep
"Paradise/The Spell"  12:43
Demons and Wizards
London, England

Personnel decided that the best decision to do was to open up a new section of Paradise. This section has a population of just two, Bosco and his best friend Scott the talking horse. Together, the two friends walk alone, and are free to do whatever they please. Furthermore, it had been established that since the universe is ever-expanding, that paradise should be as well. Much to Bosco and Scott's likening, their version of Paradise was equipped with a movie theatre, plenty of beer and pot, and other various forms of eccentric entertainment for two misfits. Sure, there are visitors, but during the day, they are mostly by themselves, which was pretty much the way they liked it. There was also a concert hall that always featured great bands. Guests from other Paradises would visit and see shows, for this was now considered the best venue in the whole universe. Bosco and Scott the talking horse made several acquaintances from other paradises as some regulars would be coming to see bands the universal venue.

One, of course, being Nakita Jones. Finally, after 647,822 years in the Paradise of the after-life, Bosco finally got the nerve to actually speak to her. The conversation got off to a great start, as if this is what the whole universe had been waiting for.



END CREDITS: Black Flag
"The Pups are Doggin' It"  4:16
Family Man
Hermosa Beach, CA

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

Starring Nadja (Top Left) as Nakita, Plane #1
Sophi Paris (Top Right) as Nakita, Plane #88< br/> Sienna Miller (8tracks cover) as Nakita, Plane #32
Jennifer Humphrey (bottom) as Nakita, Plane #69
None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.

Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.

Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
©2011


And, extra special thanks to my good buddy Pav for the care package that provided the "herbal assistance" to create the remaining nine scenarios I had been stuck on- coming up with 100 different imaginary universes is harder than you think.








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