NC17 Top 25 Traxxx of 1980

1980: The Year of Radical Change
Part 1: The Influence of Both Reggae and Satan
Part 2: The Biggest Change in History
Part 3: Metalheads, Sissies, and Stoners Unite
Part 4: Factory Records, Ralph Records, and the Jennifer Triolo Disturbance
Part 5: Citation Needed
Part 6: A Brief Taste of the Future
Part 7: The Different Types of Douches
Part 8: The Standouts: As Selected by Harold the Alien

Part VIII: The Standouts: As Selected by Harold the Alien

Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.

We now turn the narration over to our guest writers:

Harold the Alien: Had visited Earth and conducted a study based solely on the music of 1980. When he returned to draw conclusions from the evidence that was gathered, the human race was extinct.

Hector: Former resident of the planet Earth and sole survivor of the genocide that wiped out the human race. Now serves as Chairman of the Omnipresent Narrators Committee.

25. Confusional Quartet
"Nebdo Zip"  3:01
Confusional Quartet
Bologna, Italy

The galaxy in which I come from has 12 suns, so we have some bad ass fuck sunglasses in our galaxy. If any of you mother fuckers ever figure out how to travel through space, you will have to visit our planet and pick up a pair. Plus, we do not worry about any atmospheric bullshit. What we do, is cruise through the galaxy with our windows down wearing our cool ass sunglasses. When Erxelorkial asked me to make a mix CD featuring the music of Earth from 1980, I started it off with this instrumental track. It's ideal for cruising through the galaxy, and it made me feel sort of hip listening to it. Our studies assumed that Earth must have had at least a few decent people before extinction, and we concluded that this is what the cool Earthlings must have been listening to.

{Harold, nice assumption, but not many people at all listened to this; and that is why the human race was eventually voided from existence.}

24. Polyrock
"Green For Go"  3:43
New York, NY

Upon realization their world had ended, this was the song we found most troubling. We had drawn the conclusion that even though the planet was obviously stricken with numerous disturbing aspects that prevented peaceful harmony on the planet, it was apparent that many people attempted to disregard some of those problems and still try to enjoy themselves. This was the sound of a race that struggled with the balance of enjoyment and despair. At the time we originally conducted the study, we were not sure which one would prove victorious.

{During the checkered history of the human race, very few people ever listened to this band, and they barely registered any prominence in the Grand Scheme of Things that defined the duration of the planet. Unfortunately, those who were struggling with the balance you spoke of had numerous difficulties to find an outlet in anything. The preference of music was either totally cheerful or completely angry or depressed. Even though most people lived with the struggle of adjusting to this sort of balance, musically, they desired one or the other. There is no reasonable explanation for this phenomenon.}

23. Blondie
"Rapture"  4:59
New York, NY

This is NOT a song I can relate to at all. When I came down to Earth, I did not eat any cars or guitars or even this white girl singing the song. Our studies concluded that hip-hop music was but a brief phase and performed only by one white bitch from New York City. Even though this band did not play any other rap songs on the album, it was the only indication that rap music ever existed on Earth.

{Thanks for the information, Harold. After further studies, this was technically the 2nd rap song on Earth, with the first being by black musicians called The Sugarhill Gang. However, rap music enjoyed immense popularity on Earth, and remained popular long after it became a ridiculous cliche. Many rap artists pretended to be gangstas on album, and in turn, fans of hip-hop pretended to be gangstas in the suburbs in which they dwelled.}

22. Urban Verbs
"Next Question"  5:35
Urban Verbs
Washington, D.C.

The human race seemed to be in an ongoing struggle with the emotion of love. Many of the residents seemed to repress any feelings of love for a multitude of reasons. Although many of the Earthlings suggested that love was a beautiful thing and devoted themselves to frequent sex partners, others seemed unwilling to open themselves to such devotion. The fact that love had become a frightening aspect, we assumed that had a lot to do with the planet’s extinction.

{As you well know Harold, Earth was on the first planets to be created by God. In the beginning, God created the planet Earth to get away from fruit flies. However, when fruit flies mysteriously formed on the planet, God left. He later returned with his Igor like erroneous creation called Moses, dropped that dysfunctional misfit off on the planet, and gave him a set of instructions to follow. God was merely being kind to Moses, but no longer wanted the miserable bastard tagging along annoying him. The guidelines given to Moses were misconstrued, as Moses suggested that all residents needed to conform to these Commandments. What they did not know was that the set of regulations were intended for Moses only as he was expected to respect the values of the people of Earth, and the 10 Commandments did not apply to the rest of the world. Because two of these Commandments were based on relationships, and the bungling idiot Moses had dropped the other set, the people of Earth became afraid to freely express their passions for fears that it may anger a God that had abandoned them.}

21. Pylon
"Stop It"  3:05
Athens, GA

As we determined the causes of extinction, it was obvious that numerous individuals did not conform to the oppressive natures of the factors that obviously caused the end of the world. When we originally heard these tapes, we never suspected their world was in jeopardy of ending because the enticement of those against the genocidal factors had far more appeal than what was obviously ruining the harmony of the planet.

{Good point, Harold. However, the genocidal factors were also the ruling party for this planet, and had fabricated a reliance on government and money. These oppressors were able to make the Earthlings believe that life would not be possible without their control, and even equated their tyranny as an essential necessity to personal freedom. In order for people to believe in all of this, they utilized their money and their power to stop any sort of resistance against their quest for wealth. Therefore, although the revolt did have far more appeal, and the factors leading to extinction was obvious, a significant portion of the population did not even know that such a retaliation even existed; less than 3% of the Earth’s population had ever even heard of Pylon by the time their world ended.}

20. Love of Life Orchestra
"Beginning of a Heartbreak"  8:58
Extended Niceties
New York, NY

There were elements in which we found the extinction of the planet Earth shocking. Advancement in society seemed to exist, and elements of this world’s music seemed to indicate that the planet was inhibited by intelligent beings. However, we found it baffling that even though the compositional arrangements contained on this record seemed to exceed the advancements of ordinary standardizations, the finale implies a fear of being left and deserted. It would seem that life forms this advanced should be setting the standards rather than having to conform to them; people should be lined up for miles to be with these people, not wishing to desert them.

{Brilliance wasn’t always embraced and it soon was disgraced. There existed some bizarre notion that the meek would inherit the Earth; couple this with the emergence of television programs as the ruling factor and poor leadership from the corrupt government the population assumed was a requirement for cultural advancement, stupidity became more popular than brilliance. While the Love of Life Orchestra did signify progress amongst the Earthlings, it too was tragically ignored as the majority of the population diverted their attention to television shows such as Love Boat. This marked the beginning of the end.}

19. Ultravox
"Vienna"  4:54
London, England

Once again, we suffered confusion as to what exactly was happening on the planet Earth. Listening to all of the albums we had gathered from Earth from the year 1980, we regarded Midge Ure as one of the top few vocalists on the planet. However, it seemed his vocals sounded significantly better during periods in which he sang depressive lyrics, “this means nothing to me”, and the verses in which suggested disturbed mental conflicts were sang more passionately than those that did not.

{Interesting assumption, Harold, for Midge Ure had just recently joined Ultravox and this was their first album featuring him on vocals. Many artists were regarded as tortured souls and seemed to perform their best work when bestowed upon the severe calamity. The fact that the best artists were also the ones who seemed to endure the most adversity was yet another paradox regarding the human race. Despite the fact that many of them were extremely talented, possessed advanced intellect, and offered a different perspective on society, many of them were viewed as degenerates, and they too were met with hostility by average thinkers. It would be a great idea, Harold, to consider this famous quote by Albert Einstein.}

18. The Jim Carroll Band
"Day and Night"  2:22
Catholic Boy
New York, NY (1949-2009)

The unison of males and females seemed to be a major issue on the planet Earth. Furthermore, many of the songs suggested there was excruciating tension between male and female Earthlings. However, this one song seemed to demonstrate that male and female Earthlings working together could accomplish marvelous results. We wondered why there weren’t more of these male/female collaborations.

{The treatment of women on the planet Earth was the greatest contradiction in the duration of the human race. Women were spoiled, pampered, and treated with such sovereignty that many implied they should never encounter any discomfort whatsoever. On this notion, women did not have to work, and many of them did not even have to stand. People were expected to behave in a certain manner if a woman was present, never present any harshness, throw rose petals at her feet, buy her everything she wanted, allow her to behave in any fashion she pleased, indulge her with expensive jewels, chocolates, and other gifts, and engage in physical labor so the princess may have the hair products she desired. These women offered nothing in return; many of them never even had to think for themselves and weren’t counted upon to resolve anything.

On the other hand, women who wished to actually do something beneficial to society were met with discrimination, belligerence, and unfairness in society…often by the same degenerates responsible for the creation of the aforementioned females. The males with mediocre minds regarded women strictly as sex objects and degraded them, sometimes resorting to sexual harassment, in order to make their unimpressive contributions remain borderline relevant—even though only other imbeciles found them inspiring.

Therefore, many women assumed that if they merely looked pretty, they would never have to do anything except brainlessly allow foolish men to pamper them. Many of them even resorted to their own sexuality to reap more capitalist material benefits—such as becoming a stripper. Women were rarely regarded as equals, and that is why there was not more quality music in which the male and female were both permitted to contribute equally.

17. Colin Newman
"I've Waited Ages"  5:05
London, England

Our planet guessed that this Colin Newman fellow was probably considered the greatest musician of this particular time period. In accordance of what sounds seemed to be deriving from the rest of the music we had listened to, “I’ve Waited Ages” seemed to be in touch with the times and significantly better than many of its peers. It featured that driving bass riff we all fell in love with, and the guitar sounds exceeded those that were more commonly available. Furthermore, like many of the other greats, we noticed some resentment towards to state of the human race…this time working excessively for little benefits.

{Harold, everything you said was correct. However, prior to 1980, Colin Newman was the vocalist for the punk band Wire. While Wire, especially for its time of release, which was 1977, is critically acclaimed and Pink Flag was regarded by many as one of the greatest albums in history, less than 12% of the Earth’s population actually heard it. And of those, very few of them ever knew that Colin Newman even released a solo recording, let alone several of them. As for what the song stood for, the entire punk movement stood against government and the norms of society.}

16. Siouxsie and the Banshees
"Hybrid"  5:35
London, England

Upon initial evaluation of this song, we assumed that it was a major #1 hit due to the vocals and dynamic effects of the soprano saxophone coupled with the other creativity involved with the music. Furthermore, we had noticed that many women of Earth seemed more concerned with appearing pretty or sexy rather than confronting any issues plaguing the Earth. This Siouxsie woman seemed excessively concerned with her image as well, but did so in a unique fashion that seemed to contrast what was popular. Also, her lyrics indicated that she was also willing to confront the problems involved with the human race, and possibly pin the blame on the males who dictated the standards. Our planet figured she was regarded as a revolutionary of some sorts, but under bizarre conditions.

{Siouxsie did have a devoted following, but never that big of one. Most of the princesses who embraced the tactics of the dominant male had never even listened to her. It is true, she did have an unusual balance of extreme consummation regarding her image—which some argued was typical of females—but at the same time, endorsed intelligence as well. This unique contrast may have been what led to her uncanny 1980 image, although that same image would soon become increasingly popular in time. She was a definitive product of her environment and much conclusion could be made by analyzing her psyche in accordance with the principles of the human race. The song was never a hit, even though those who did hear it agree about the peculiar saxophone sounds.}

15. Smokey Robinson
"Let Me Be the Clock"  5:02
Warm Thoughts
Detroit, MI

It was pleasant to see that some of the humans actually embraced the beauty of love. While we were studying the human race, we noticed that people with darker skin sang more beautifully about love and romance. Black people were regarded as the peaceful lovers of the planet Earth and therefore never ever possibly encountered any hardships on the planet Earth. These kind, soft spoken black people should have been more influential, and it is extremely difficult to determine how these sorts of pleasant thoughts led to extinction.

{Things couldn’t have been more of an opposite, Harold. Black people were, by far, the most oppressed race of people on Earth, and constantly the victim of sheer discrimination. In the country in which Smokey Robinson resided, a majority of the black community was delegated to slums and forced to live in unsuitable conditions. Furthermore, black people were often portrayed as violent criminals in the media, and many white people only affiliated the black race with the images they saw on television. The discrepancy between the extremely wealthy and the extremely impoverished only increased, and those who had been delegated to living in slums under hostile oppression eventually grew weary of their conditions, and the romance of the old soul finally embraced the violent image in which the white man had assigned them. Many white people assumed that any neighborhood with an excessive amount of black people was automatically crime stricken and any black person they ever encountered would shoot them with a gun; just like what they saw on TV…because many assumed that news commentator only provided facts and never misconstrued stories in order to boost ratings or appeal to the demographics of their advertisers and lobbyists. And yet another paradox, even though many white people regarded Smokey Robinson as a legend and played his music to inspire romantic evenings with their spouses, they still assumed that black people were violent...proof that TV had more influence than music.}

14. Captain Beefheart
"Ashtray Heart"  3:25
Doc at the Radar Station
Glendale, CA (1941)-Arcata, CA (2010)

Most of what we listened to had way too many similarities for it to resonate anything. The majority of the albums were disregarded into the garbage can and we assumed the people of Earth had done the same thing. All of the material that sounded too much alike, we assumed were amateurs and lacked the creativity and brilliance to conceive original ideas. Our list is solely comprised of music that stood out for us as extraordinary; we also assumed the human race did the same. Captain Beefheart caught our attention immediately and we assumed that this was going to be the sound that would possibly influence the next generation.

{Harold, your planet has good taste in music. However, all of those albums you threw away for sounding too similar to everything else were actually what became the most popular. Captain Beefheart never became popular, and due to the fact that the music was incredibly different than what was considered popular, many of the mediocre minds despised the sound. Furthermore, he and his Magic Band had been making music like this for over a decade, and most of the world was still unable to replicate the sounds. Unfortunately, although he would continue to enjoy a devout cult following even after his untimely death in 2010, the Captain Beefheart sound proved too complicated for the society whose intelligence was vastly decreasing to fully comprehend.}

13. Ludus
"The Escape Artist"  6:34
The Visit
Manchester, England

Even more than the men, we felt that too many women in Earthling music sounded too similar to each other. Again, we drew this conclusion that it seemed women were more interested in their appearance rather than their intellect. However, this band Ludus stood out for us the same way Captain Beefheart did. This was something totally remarkable and completely different than everything else the women of Earth had to offer. Furthermore, the scream at the end of it was actually horrifying, and we wondered what aspects led to that.

{Too many women were overly concerned with the appearance. As we stated before, girls did this because they think it will earn them special privileges. Unfortunately, in the music industry, girls would dress up and look sexy to try and sleep with a boy in a band rather than make quality music herself. They thought it delegated them a special status if they were able to garner special attention from a musician rather than their douchy spouse. However, many rock stars would frequently have sex with these bimbos and then completely forget about them within a month; the bimbo would remember it for life and cherish the notion that she was nothing special.

The key to my survival was that I eventually completely ignored these types of girls and refused to give them the preferential treatment their fathers and douchy boyfriends convinced them they warranted. I wouldn’t even look at these girls, and would turn away and shun them when passing them on the streets. All they wanted was attention, and I wasn’t willing to give them any unless they displayed some sort of unique quality that stood out above all others. Even when they grew hostile towards me for ignoring them, I remained steadfast.

“What the fuck is your problem?” They would ask me. And Harold, I tell you they would ask this with sheer anger. I still wouldn’t even look at them when they resorted to this sort of abuse, thinking they had the right to do whatever they pleased.

“Nothing,” I would respond with a shrug.

“What? Do you think I am going to rape you?” Harold, they would seriously ask me this. This notion never even crossed my mind. Most women weren’t even sincerely interested in sex anyway, just flaunted it insincerely while remarking deceptive flattery with intentions to receive more special privileges and expensive gifts. Harold, as I became wiser, I never fell for any of it.

“No,” I would reply back, “I know that you are not going to rape me. I was actually more afraid that you would start talking to me and then bitch at me for no reason…which is exactly what you are doing now.”

Even with this sort of confrontation, they would still attempt to appear sexy, thinking I would suddenly like them for overreacting to trivial complaints. They had so many things simply handed to them, they had become so spoiled, they had become the focal point of attention among so many mediocre minds, they never had to encounter any sort of hardship whatsoever…and when something did not go exactly their way, they would become so irate and violent that they acted as if it were a major tragedy; something as petty as not being able to order a grilled cheese sandwich.

Many of them had become so rude and grotesque, that I couldn’t even stand to look at them. They would stand and block the aisles at the stores, preventing me from making my selection. I knew I was officially finished with them when I went to grocery store one night. First, one princess refused to push her cart inside fully when returning; she merely walked it half way and left it setting directly in front of the main entrance, blocking the door. Then, I was in an aisle making a selection, a princess approached with a cart, and out of consideration, I took two steps back so that I wouldn’t be blocking the aisle. Rather than go past me Harold, she stopped right directly in front of me and browsed the items in which I was looking at—blocking my view.

I became so angry, mind you this was while I was still on Earth, that I walked around the entire store waiting for her to leave the aisle. And as I was walking around the store waiting for her to leave, some other princess was standing in line, glanced up and saw me coming, and then rudely took a step back to block my path. This happened too frequently, Harold, and too often they would lunge into me and cause serious injury. That was when I decided that I was no longer willing to tolerate their menacing behavior. From that moment on, I completely ignored the Earthling princess and turned away whenever I walked by.

A real woman though, was the woman who disregarded all of this capitalist material pampering from the mediocre minds. These were the women who stood out, these were the women who were not like everybody else, and these were the women who deserved quality treatment…because they were inspiring individuals. You are right Harold, Linda Sterling of Ludus was one of these women. But, the mediocre minds that dominated the market, just as they did with Captain Beefheart, they disregarded this with hostility and claimed it caused disarray because it wasn’t the harmless fluff their bimbo princess was appointed to creating.

12. Young Marble Giants
"N.I.T.A."  3:31
Colossal Youth
Caerdydd, Wales

After listening to this, we assumed that some Earthlings had the ability to travel to other galaxies within the universe. Furthermore, we also thought that Earth creatures had the ability to re-create dreams, or at least induce conscious minds into a dreamlike state.

{Bands such as Young Marble Giants did have the power to induce conscious minds into a dreamlike supernatural state. Unfortunately, mind expansion was feared, and therefore the album never became popular among the mass majority with the mediocre minds. However, if they listened to this more frequently, it may have improved their mental condition from mediocre to advanced. As far as space travel is concerned, the creatures of Earth were able to leave the planet, but they never made it any further than the moon. They remained dependent on currency and government, and the two combined crippled any notion of ever leaving the galaxy.}

11. Phil Lynott
"Yellow Pearl"  4:06
Solo in Soho
West Bromwich, England (1949)-Salisbury, England (1986)

This was the song that certified that the problems on the planet Earth were potentially reaching dangerous heights. However, we also assumed that this one song would aide in leading a revolt against any sort of oppressive powers because it was far better than any of the music that seemed to support the system. Once we found out the human race had become extinct, we sadly realized this song did not achieve its goal and the Yellow Pearl successfully enacted the genocide.

{Harold, 1980 was the year of change. The song in context actually adopted those changes and the music is a clear result as to what was happening in 1980. Phil Lynott was the former leader of the rock and roll band Thin Lizzy, who were firmly entrenched in the 70’s. Fans of Thin Lizzy were not willing to accept the fact that their sound was falling to wayside and were still clinging to hopes that bands such as Kansas would rise up and rule the world; fans of the new exciting sounds in music ignored it because it was recorded by a member of Thin Lizzy and assumed it would sound like outdated rock music. Therefore, the battle anthem was never heard. And in turn, those who supposedly loved liberty.. they shot the man, implemented the genocide, and robbed the poor folks of their Socialistic dream. Also, with Reagan in office, promoting Socialism was grounds to be bombed; Lynott was killed 6 years later in 1986.}

10. The Fall
"The N.W.R.A."  3:23
Manchester, England

We would have loved to save the planet Earth from extinction because the planet Earth actually saved us. A gigantic meteor was en route to our planet, and its impact would have destroyed the entire planet. However, we countered by building a series of gigantic towering amplifiers and played this song by Earth band The Fall. The meteor was approaching fast, but we cranked up the volume once it entered our atmosphere. When the bass line riffed, it was so heavy, that the vibrations that emitted from the speakers slowed down the meteor; the next riff caused it to blow the other way and out of the atmosphere, and after “shift” the meteor crumbled into a bunch of harmless particles.

{On Earth, some 10 years later, people were placing giant sub-woofers in their cars for added bass enhancement. However, most of these people primarily listened to rap music because they mistakenly assumed it had the heaviest bass and made them appear gangsta. One person encouraged another to play this song by The Fall on one of those sub-woofers. At first, he was disappointed because the first 40+ seconds doesn’t even have any bass in it. When that bass thumped, the whole station wagon exploded.}

9. Joy Division
"Twenty Four Hours"  4:26
Manchester, England

This Joy Division band had several standout qualities. They had talent all across the board and that rhythm section seemed unheralded as the prime definition of superb quality regarding bass guitar and drums. To make it even better, the guitar had numerous unique qualities and added atmospheric dimensions while it delegated the driving rhythms to the bass and drums; in most other cases, the guitars were also trying to dictate the rhythm. The singer had a disturbing voice however, but the lyrics seemed to portray the psychological struggles the humans must have been going through during the Yellow Pearl genocide. Again, we wondered how a band that had to have been so successful could reflect inexhaustible despair.

{Joy Division lyrics do accurately portray the feelings of experiencing genocide. However, as of 1980, the genocide had not even come close to taking place yet, and the lyrics weres a reflection of vocalist Ian Curtis’s struggles with his own personal psychological issues. In May of 1980, Ian Curtis committed suicide at age 23. As far as them being widely popular, they never were that incredibly popular. A single, not on the album, called “Love Will Tear Us Apart” was enjoying some chart success in Britain and the band was prepared for their first ever World Tour. Many believe that Ian Curtis could not withstand the notion of being famous and opted out before it led to that point; and as indicated with the lyrics, he held a despondent outlook on society anyway. The hostility imposed by the mediocre minds sometimes had harmful effects on the brilliant ones; their blatant senselessness was overbearing.}

8. Terry R. Brooks & Strange
"It's A Beautiful Day"  8:08
To Earth With Love
Orlando, FL

Terry R. Brooks is the greatest guitarist on Earth. We imagined he was on the covers of all the magazines and rated the most talented musician their world had ever seen. However, he too seemed to having some personal issues. This song begins as a relatively romantic pop song, although this portion does not have the standout features. By the end of the song, however, the lovely black man features are disbanded and the man seems possessed by some sort of lingering ailment. Even though we wished nothing but happiness for the people of Earth, it was during this grueling impaired psyche when the guitar playing escalated into premier territory.

{Correct, as of 1980, Terry R. Brooks was the greatest guitar player on Earth without question. Even after the world ended, less than 1% of the world had ever even heard him play. One reason for this is the “audience participation” dilemma. There were events where participants would perform for an audience, and the audience voted who they thought was the best. Although this seemed like a great idea in theory, it had the opposite effect. The most talented rarely won; the person who won the most frequently was whoever had the largest family and encouraged the largest quantity of co-workers and classmates to attend.

Even comedy clubs: comedian A was way funnier than comedian B, but comedian B was the winner because her friends and family purchased the most tickets. And when reality set in that nobody outside the family found the princess daughter very talented, a rich family member would pay corporations to force feed her mediocrity to the mediocre minds that dominate the masses. This saw the rise of talentless “musicians” such as Jessica Simpson actually recording albums and getting rich and famous despite the fact they could not sing nor write a quality song.

As for Terry R. Brooks, he did not have a lot of friends. And, Harold, you are correct that he seemed to be completely possessed by the end of the song. The reason for this is because he fought in the Vietnam War and struggled with PTSD issues his entire life. He has gone on record claiming that the war ruined him and sucked all of the life out of him. In turn, his world became his guitar…and the creation that comes out is something dark and extraordinary. Those who have heard him, and cite him as the best guitar player, do so because of this less than ideal aspect.

His competitors, who the masses often cite, are most often Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, and Eddie Van Halen. Eddie Van Halen was gifted with the flashy fingers, but lacked the mentality to create anything brilliant. He was equivalent to an NFL quarterback with a strong arm and a fast 40 time, but could not translate wins; many considered the music of Van Halen too silly and borderline moronic to be taken seriously. Jimi Hendrix, however, was a genius guitar player all around. He performed Machine Gun a decade ago and most consider that the greatest guitar solo of all time—most being those who have never heard Terry R. Brooks. His guitar work in that is considered so captivating because he was attempting to resonate the horrors of the Vietnam War. Terry R. Brooks actually fought in the war, and his guitar work in this respected area, simply put, puts Jimi Hendrix to shame.

On the notion of change, 7 years ago in 1973, Terry R. Brooks performed a guitar solo that would invent an entire genre of music 5-10 years from now (Shoegaze of the 90’s). In other words, even though he performed it and was still recording actively, the world still had not caught up with something he played 7 years ago.

Hey Hector, good assessment of Van Halen. We found the music too ridiculous and asinine as well, which is why it did not make the list at all. The Women and Children First record was thrown in the garbage with the rest of the sound-alike disposables.

7. Dead Kennedys
"California Über Alles"  3:28
Fresh Fruit For Rotting Vegetables
San Francisco, CA

Throughout our summaries of the disturbance on Earth, we were merely briefed on what sort of harassment this Yellow Pearl was attempting to instill, and who was a part of it. Our studies theorized that a governor named Jerry Brown was the head of the Yellow Pearl and in the year 1984 was going to force children to meditate in school. We were not entirely positive as to what this consisted of, nor did we have the ability to conduct further research. Musically, however, this was one of the major standouts, and yet another fabulous drummer from Earth. The anguish represented within this song, though, only indicated that the planet must have been under serious distress. Furthermore, because we were witnessing a pattern as to the type of people facing the most opposition, there were several clues that the planet Earth was showing symptoms of extinction caused by corruption within.

{There is no coalition between governor Jerry Brown, and there is little evidence that such an organization called the Yellow Pearl ever existed. “1984” is in reference to a book written by George Orwell predicting/depicting a nightmarish prediction where the government, referred to as “Big Brother” takes control of the Earth. Although the book did not prove extremely accurate when 1984 rolled around, there were symptoms lingering that a New World Order was in place. I, too, had become a victim of government tyranny, and developed a passionate desire to leave Earth. Realizing what was happening was the primary reason I remain the only known sole survivor.}

6. Ramones
"Do You Remember Rock 'n' Roll Radio"  3:50
End of the Century
New York, NY

After we rummaged through all of the music on Earth, this was one song that we could identify with and gave us some clues as to what had happened. The song spoke of Rock and Roll as a thing of the past, indicating that lately things all sounded the same; also expressed the need for a change. Because we did not gather any recording from before or after 1980, this rock and roll radio was unheard of to us, and we were curious if the songs sounded like this. It was one of our favorites because, as I stated previously, most of the other recordings sounded pretty much the same. This song did represent a style of music that we liked and was significantly different than Kenny Loggins, Journey, Pat Benetar, and Billy Joel.

{Ramones pre-date The Sex Pistols and officially started the punk movement of 1977 one year prior in 1976. Rock and Roll radio had become a thing of the past; things did change, but it only got worse. And if you thought a large portion of 1980 sounded the same, then you should have heard the hits of 1986, then 1996, and it kept getting worse. Coincidentally, as the music on the radio worsened, so did the living conditions on the planet Earth. It’s not to say that the blame of the planet’s demise can be pinned solely on mainstream radio, it simply seemed to coincide with the abrupt dissolution of the essentials for progress. I knew that in order to survive, I needed to get the fuck out of here. Overexposure to the Earth’s atmosphere caused the hair to fall out, rotting of the teeth, deterioration of the organs, the skin to wrinkle, blindness, and ultimately, death.}

5. Public Image Ltd.
"Chant"  5:02
Second Edition
London, England

Hector, after reading your analysis, there are things you have to consider with our studies. We had no clue what was successful on Earth and what wasn’t. To us, this was considered brilliant, creative, and catchy. Nobody on our planet played Van Halen or Irene Cara more than once or twice. It is absolutely shocking to us that some of the “hits” you listed did not include this song, which a majority of the people in or around our galaxy can sing along to. Furthermore, we always assumed John Lydon was sort of a God on Earth.

{Harold, John Lydon was regarded that way on Earth; but most people knew him as Johnny Rotten for he was the one who fronted the band The Sex Pistols you have heard so much about. Although it is catchy, a song like this had no shot whatsoever to ever being played on mainstream radio. It was considered too harsh, too abstract, and far too angry. Again, it is yet another soundtrack selection depicting the collapse of society. In fact, it was playing in my head when I made my ultimate decision.

I looked over their faces and they were disgusting. There was a period of my life where, like other Earthlings, had to devote a large portion of my time doing something I despised in order to have the allotted currency required for food, shelter, clothing, a military, and a corrupt government. Two large groups of people had entered the establishment in which I was employed, and the girls were upset because they could not order their grilled cheese sandwiches. I found their complaints to be trifling and wondered how these mediocre minds could become so distraught over something this meaningless. This was my final straw, I looked them over, and realized that I was not one of them; and because I was nothing like them, that I was only going to suffer for the duration of my dying process on Earth. They were all shouting at me at once, and they demanded answers, resolutions, and grilled cheese sandwiches. Without saying a single word to them, I turned, clocked myself out, and I walked from this miserable life forever.

4. The Cramps
"TV Set"  3:14
Songs the Lord Taught Us
New York, NY/Hollywood, CA

Based on your analysis, we may assume The Cramps never garnered any popularity either.

{That is correct, Harold. When I left Earth, even some 30 years after this was released, less than 5% of the world’s population could identify it.}

Perhaps there was an entire different way of thinking from our planet to Earth. The songs that generated the most virtue on our planet did not engender anything on Earth. Not to sound pretentious, but our planet is still flourishing and the Earthlings are extinct. Perhaps it is because we do not initiate violent oppression to our brilliant minds, and people with mediocre minds either do not exist or strive for something better; being mediocre is not grounds for authoritative consideration.

{The violent opposition imposed on brilliant minds is probably the main reason the Earth is extinct. If a time machine could be built and a chance for redemption was granted, the brilliant minded people would have to have figured out a means to either hinder the opposition, or counter the mediocre minds with their own hostility…even though brilliant minded people generally do not invent violence, and they were far outnumbered. The majority voted and they lost.

But, you also have to consider the fact that the Earth was an unfinished project and virtually uninhabitable. When God created the Earth, he had begun creation on a race of people, the human race, to have similarities with its own entity. The fruit flies formed, and God was like, “God damn it, more fucking fruit flies,” swatted a few of them, and left. At the time he left, this race of people was incomplete and had more similarities to primates than actual people. Many of them could not even communicate and were living in caves—often referred to as cavemen.

God had no knowledge whatsoever that the fragmentary creations had come to life and somewhat evolved. The only time God returned was to drop off the hunchback reject Moses. God assumed, at the time, that the creations would either never have come to life, or would be incoherent rejects like Moses. However, by the time he disposed of Moses, they were evolved enough for Moses to have to follow certain conditions if he were allowed to stay.

Just because they evolved, however, not everything was suitable. God had never been able to complete the environmental living conditions to make the planet fully compatible with human life; he was only able to work on the project for 6 days, and on day 7, the fruit flies appeared and God left.

God contemplated sticking around for a while and finishing up the environmental aspects, but was dissatisfied with how the creation evolved. There was some consideration to destroy all of these evolved mutations, but God found that would be cruel. At least they weren’t grunting and living in caves anymore, so God simply prayed that maybe they would continue to evolve and eventually view government, power, and wealth the same way some of they viewed living in caves. Perhaps it was just a phase, and maybe these mutations would be able to resolve the matter on their own. Sadly, it never happened, and the mutations regarded death as natural while striving for more fabricated concepts of wealth rather than amending their own environment or seeking a home elsewhere.

3. Suicide
"Harlem"  6:39
Second Album
New York, NY

The name of the band gave us some indication, but we observed Suicide as yet another source of standout brilliant creativity that seemed to be revolting against some sort of violent opposition.

{Correct, and Suicide did so with more malevolence than even their peers. The mediocre minds did not view this as standout brilliant creativity whatsoever, and instead, feared this. To the mediocre mind, Suicide was the worst band in history; which is probably why they were a standout on your planet. Also, Harold, Harlem was a community in New York City in which black people such as Smokey Robinson resided. As I stated previously, black people were constantly discriminated against, unfairly treated by those in authority, and delegated to live in trash-infested slums. This song depicts that injustice and was a fine example of white people standing up for the black man’s Civil Rights. For a white person to expose this oppression spoke volumes about the violent opposition; in turn, the corrupted white man refused to listen and directed hostile injustice towards those courageous whites who sought equality.

Just hours prior to the incident in which I walked from this miserable life forever, I witnessed a police officer illegally search a black lady’s purse and take money from her billfold to pay her bill. There was nothing I could do, at the time, and that was when the notion of leaving Earth was put into full effect.

The violent opposition eventually became too much, and I spent my days deciphering a means to leave Earth. I knew I had to do it alone, and I knew I was eventually going to leave everything that I ever knew, loved, my family, friends, and everything else. However, this earthling had to die in order to become Hector. For a prolonged period of time, I gradually disaffiliated myself from society and the human race.

I spent my days alone, while I was devising a plan to leave Earth—which required some time and planning obviously. There was a period where it was difficult; I had resist the urges to speak to others, suppress any desire to look at pretty girls, and even eschew long-term plans or goals with friends or family. I basically tried everything in my power to ignore every single other person on Earth; the same way I had been ignoring the mediocre girls who sought special treatment. I never spoke to anybody, and spent most of my time inside. When I did go out, I avoided any contact with all people and would not even glance up at them in passing. My only goal was leaving Earth for good.

2. Van Morrison
"Summertime in England"  15:37
Common One
London, England

Hector, we were torn about what to appoint the #1 song. Our entire planet voted on it, and the results were dead even. Many people preferred this Van Morrison and claimed that there was periods of this song that was, by far, the best music anybody had ever heard. Furthermore, even those who voted in favor of the other selection agreed this one contained better musicianship and the entire fifth minute of the Van Morrison song was better than all of the other song. But, some people had valid arguments for the other selection, so rather than impose any violent opposition towards any brilliance, we will let you select which of these two should be #1 since you once lived here and might know more about the situation than we do.

{In general, I would probably state that I slightly prefer this one. Furthermore, I regard Van Morrison as a universal life force, and a major impact on my ability to leave Earth. However, in conjunction with what happened in final days on Earth, I am selecting the other to be #1 due to the fact is was in correspondence with the times, and although this song is beyond excellent, it is not a direct representation of 1980.

However, I hate stating that. It should be known that the #1 selection is also great, and, for me, brings forth better memories; as does “Summertime in England.” I do not wish to sound like I am basing this decision on outside influences, but that’s the way things unfolded.

As it stood, I had refused to draw any influence whatsoever from anybody. There was not one single person residing on Earth who had ever left the planet, and I was not going to seek guidance from any of them. Books were of no use to me, nor were any other person’s theories on how one might leave the Earth. NASA had only made it as far as the moon, and despite numerous attempts and billions of dollars that I did not have, their accomplishments were of no value to me. I did not speak of my plans to leave to anybody, and disregarded all commonly accepted norms on how leaving Earth was possible.

Except for one, but I had never met this person, nor does this person have any knowledge that I departed the Earth. My sole consultant was Van Morrison. You see, Harold, as great as “Summertime in England” is, Van Morrison was considered to be past his prime. In our opinion, he had returned to his prime, and in my opinion only, Common One is but his 2nd best album. His best album came out in 1968 and I consider that the best album ever—Astral Weeks.

During the title track of that album, Van Morrison suggests that he is “nothing but a stranger in this world”, and “has a home on high, in another land, so far away.” I never believed Van Morrison to be a product of Earth, nor some of his band members. Somewhere along the lines, I too believed that I was nothing but a stranger in this world, and also had a different home in another land, so far away. Several tracks later on that album, while listening to a track called Madame George, I was actually able to visualize my other home in this different universe altogether; I also assumed that the violin player on that song also came from this exact same section of the universe.

There is much distress caused from being displaced on an incompatible planet with a passionate desire to leave. It’s even worse when the means of leaving is not easily available. Then, it escalates to anxious urgency knowing that if you do not think of something fast, that you, like everybody else, is going to die soon. My hair was beginning to recede and I had this awful condition with my mouth; my body ached and I wondered how much time I truly had. The thought of wrinkling frightened me, as did the notion of dying on a planet in which I never belonged.

The only way this was going to be possible, was I needed to free my mind, expand all of the dimensions within my sub-conscious, and dwell in realms of spiritual existence unknown to the mediocre. Once again, I turned to Van Morrison—“Summertime in England.” At the time, I was the disillusioned one, the always suffering one, and the only remedy was to escape.

As I continued to withdrawal completely from society, I allowed the music to expand my mind. Visions of Avalon, discovering what isn’t why and just is, and ultimately, my destination of another planet led to a belief that perhaps James Joyce, T.S. Elliott, and Jesus were also from different regions of the universe. All I pictured was disembarking from the planet Earth, until the means was produced to make this a possibility. Soon, after repeated listens, I had the means to telepathically communicate with beings outside this galaxy and the coordinates on which I could be retrieved by the inhabitants from my actual home.

Had I have consulted with the mediocre minded people, they would have committed me into an asylum. As much as I tried to reject any of their influence, admittedly, I had periods where maybe I thought I was crazy too. But, I had no choice but to have faith in my own visions. I sold everything I owned to capitalist currency seekers, and bought a ticket to my coordinates.

A person does not simply leave the galaxy from a train station in the middle of the city with an airport. The quest had only begun, and I wasn’t exactly sure which direction to travel in order to locate my coordinates. But, I purchased enough food for the trip, and risked everything. Carrying nothing but a backpack full of non-perishable barely edible ingredients, I embarked into the wilderness seeking out a set of coordinates far removed from civilization. Although I had never been there before, I recognized the place from the visions in my dreams. Once I reached my destination, I sat there, cross-legged. Nothing happened. But, I lay back in the grass, closed my eyes, and utilized the last of my battery power of Earthly possessions to listen to Van Morrison out in the middle of nowhere.

#1. The Feelies
"Forces at Work"  7:09
Crazy Rhythms
Hoboken, New Jersey

{Nothing happened for what seemed like forever. I had nearly run out of food and was feeling fatigue from lack of personal hygiene and appropriate sleep. I was finally able to fully doze off and was awakened by some strange noises. They had finally arrived! Within in the mind, regardless of time period, Forces at Work triumph over everything. I took one last look around at the planet Earth, boarded the transportation device, and I walked from this miserable life forever.}

END CREDITS: Black Sabbath
"Walk Away"  4:25
Heaven and Hell
Birmingham, England

Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.
Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.
Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
Einstein image by: https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ZwaCT8NEVXg/T8hzu657BxI/AAAAAAAAbAc/lIOib06F2qA/einstein-great-spirits-have-always-encountered-violent-opposition-from-mediocre-minds.jpg
Top Image by : http://a2.img.mobypicture.com/02d877bb5e1cd7087978e8bf63209a05_view.jpg
Harold the Alien Image by: http://elvismellon.com/images/cool_alien_gif.gif
Hector the Narrator Image by: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/06/06/article-0-137AE13F000005DC-899_964x562.jpg
Bottom Image by: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/06/06/article-0-137AE13F000005DC-899_964x562.jpg


NC-17 SXXX SONGS OF 1980: 200-176  175-151  150-126  125-101  100-76  75-51  50-26  25-#1


Misunderstanding  3:11

Here's a worthy hit, and an asterisk that denotes change. This version of Genesis barely resembles the Genesis of the early 70's. Gone, obviously, is vocalist Peter Gabriel. In general, music fans prefer Gabriel-led Genesis and Peter Gabriel solo over this. However, Genesis would go on to have a shlew of mainstream success. Everything I stated in the intro can be reflected right here. Rating: 6.3

Water's Edge  2:58
Water's Edge

A few year's prior, these cats were definitive glam-rock and had the major hit Ballroom Blitz. Somebody must of called up all the recording artists and told them the 80's were coming and they better be prepared to embrace for it. A good song, but barely a faint resemblence of Ballroom Blitz.

Plaza  3:55
John Foxx

Here's that 80's sound. 92% of the population could guess which decade this song came out in; people will love and hate that. Ironically, I am not a fan whatsoever of "80's music" and consider the 80's the worst decade ever. This son receives credible reviews and is the most tolerable representation of what the world was up against. However, I find this dated.

I Hope She Dies  3:19
Barnes & Barnes

Here's a super serious dramatic song. Generally not a fan of cheesy joke music, but these cats did have a hilarious hit in 1979 with Fish Heads. This song actually has a pretty cool synth riff, even though the lyrics are a bit corny. For that matter, I don't why joke bands joke bands have to "sing" in that same joke voice. This songs serves its purpose and is, at least, mildly enjoyable...it's just hard to rank it- sort of like comparing a somewhat funny movie to The Godfather.

Johnny Petrolle #4  4:07
Idio Savant
Shakers in a Tantrum Landscape

This is improv fusion/jazz/ambient. Music like this, I appreciate, but rarely listen to it. While I do love good experimentalism, I need some method with my mayhem. There were a lot of bands like this in 1980 and, sadly, did not make the list. I am also not a huge fan of ambient Brian Eno material (though I love albums like Here Come the Warm Jets), Tangerine Dream, etc. No beat = no inclusion in the countdown. I only listen to music like this when I am in bed; I do not wish to spend my whole life in bed, tired.

Terminus Eldorado  4:13
Ted Nugent
Scream Dream

Admittedly, I do like this song, and consider the noisy outro borderline no-wave. However, Ted Nugent and I don't exactly see eye-to-eye on a couple issues. He and I do have one thing in common, we are both outspoken and will freely speak our mind. Furthermore, I am certain we have some common ground and therefore not complete enemies. But, I completely disagree with some of his views and borderline view him as a moron in some aspects. That said, even though I rate this song highly- and a couple other of his songs- some of comments has led me to be prejudiced and I cannot properly rank this effectively. Sometimes I hate it, just because, and sometimes I put that shit aside and enjoy it for what its worth.

HM. Cold Chisel
"Best Kept Lies" 3:48
Adelaide, SA, Australia

1980 marked the end of an era for Pub Rock. Most people probably don't even know what Pub Rock is. It's sort of like regular rock, but looser, punkier, and intended to be enjoyed while drinking I suppose. The most prominent Pub Rock artist is Nick Lowe, who did not put out an album this year, and eventually delved into punk/new-wave and fared better. Best Kept Lies features decent guitar work here too. This can be played anywhere, accessible, most would at least give it a 7.

HM. Alice Cooper
"Grim Facts" 3:52
Flush the Fashion
Detroit, MI

Alice Cooper falls under the category of prominent artist, but past his prime. Among the few records my parents owned that I have beenn listening to since the age of 3, yes I could work the record player before being potty-trained, was Alice Cooper's Love It to Death and Killer- and that was the "heaviest" thing they had by far. This saw Alice delving more into accessible hard rock rather than artistic experimentation.


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