2011/10/19

NC17 Top 25 Songs of 1987

Dr. Pritchard's Clinic + The Top 175 Songs of 1987
Part 1: Previews of Coming Attractions
Part 2: Muff Stench Hysteria
Part 3: Doctor Visits Shrink
Part 4: Sausage Controversy
Part 5: Customer Appreciation Party
Part 6: Zubar's Curse
Part 7: The Gynecologist's Bad Acid Trip

Part VII: The Gynecologist's Bad Acid Trip


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



25. The Accüsed
"Halo of Flies"  3:11
More Fun Than an Open Casket Funeral
Seattle, WA

The nightmare of the Zubar curse continued to intensify. Dr. Pritchard was surrounded by patients that resembled rabid vultures with glowing eyes and scabbing faces. He was unsure if they were even really there.

DR. PRITCHARD: (to himself, quietly) Delusions! These are not real. You always had a difficult time distinguishing faces and names anyway. I’m a gynecologist… I recognize people by the condition of their muff. Just concentrate on the muff.”

A line of women pulled off their pants and all of their muffs looked diseased and grotesque with flies swarming. CLOSE-UP: Each muff was covered with flies except for Jessica's… her muff looked bad enough and no curse on Earth could make it appear any worse.

DR. PRITCHARD: (to himself, examining Jessica’s muff) “Perhaps Jessica is cursed as well… maybe we suffer from the same condition.”

FLASH: There are no patients. Dr. Pritchard is sitting at home examining nothing. He stopped abruptly and hastily dialed the telephone. It was late at night and Jessica was home in bed. The phone ringing woke her up and she answered it.

JESSICA: “Hello.”

DR. PRITCHARD: “Hello, Jessica, this is Dr. Pritchard. Question for you… how did your muff become so disgusting looking?

JESSICA hung up on him.

24. Loop
"Too Real to Feel"  5:14
Heaven's End
London, England

INT. DR. PRITCHARD’S LIVING ROOM- LATE AT NIGHT. 
He sensed another spell advancing and immediately lied down on the couch. His floor rumbled and transfigured into the form of a gigantic bottomless muff. While lying on his couch, a replica expelled from his actual body, rose from the couch, and stepped into the deep hole. Dr. Pritchard went into free fall, arms outstretched, floating and spinning down into the bottomless psychedelic muff. The end was constantly continuing as he fell into the enormous muff that constantly changed colors, designs, and patterns. During the fall, he attempted to decipher who this muff belonged to… kept yelling “Hilda!”

23. Anthrax
"Among the Living"  5:16
Among the Living
New York, NY

Dr. Pritchard assumed that all the women with blemished muff disorders must suffer from the same curse as he; this irrational thought process was also part of the curse. He visited Gretchen at her job… she was a 330 pound monstrosity who worked at KFC. The purpose of the meeting was to inquire whether or not Gretchen was experiencing vivid hallucinatory effects as a result of her nasty muff. Unfortunately, he was never given due opportunity or his questions were ignored. Gretchen assumed it was a hot date. She dragged the doctor to her house, polished off a bucket of the colonel's famous, and Dr. Pritchard was soon underneath 330 pounds of sheer terror. This was the 3rd time this week. The worse aspect about the curse was that state of clarity that occurred in the middle of these horrendous acts. The realization of being sexually abused by Gretchen was horrifying and once again, Dr. Pritchard screamed like a woman in a horror movie.


22. Wrath
"Mutants"  6:08
Nothing to Fear
Chicago, IL

The doctor did not arise from the couch. Last time he looked out the window, a major revolt was taking place in the streets and all the buildings were on fire. The riot squad attacked the rioters with a fire hose, but to no avail. They became mutated variations of popular characters from sitcoms of the 70’s and overpowered the SWAT team. A blue light emitted from the endless muff that had simulated on Dr. Pritchard’s floor. First, he floated out of the illusion still screaming; then was followed by the mutations that were rioting in the street. His home was taken over by the mutants who spilled all of his personal belongings down into the endless muff.

21. The Replacements
"I Don't Know"  3:23
Pleased to Meet Me
Minneapolis, MN

Finally, Dr. Pritchard heard a familiar voice. "Jimmy. Jimmy," it kept calling out to him. It was Jimmy. Dr. Pritchard had always had this voice in his head ever since he was a child. The imaginary voice always referred to Dr. Pritchard as “Jimmy” even though Jimmy wasn't anywhere near his real name; Dr. Pritchard called the voice Jimmy and never even bothered to get his name. Jimmy was sitting in the chair, monitoring the situation, smoking his usual cigarette.

JIMMY: (reasoning with Dr. Pritchard) "Man, Jimmy, it looks like we fucked now. Jimmy, what we got to do is think… think Jimmy, when did this all begin? It started at the party, maybe a little bit after it ended. It wasn't no weed Jimmy. If it was the weed, then these other cats who smoked that shit would be feeling the same way we are. Remember Dr. Tressleman? What the fuck was he doing there? Didn't you find that shit strange? And that gift...what was up with that shit? I'd watch out for that thing. Dr. Tressleman is one fucked up dude, ya know...they curse that shit. That's who fucked us up, that Dr. Tressleman, and that cursed statue he gave us. It's some wicked voodoo magic if you ask me."

20. Living Death
"Manila Terror"  3:50
Protected From Reality
Velbert, Germany

Zubar rested on the mantle ledge in Dr. Pritchard’s exam room. Its’ eyes glowed and smoked emerged from the head as it caused immense turmoil on the recipient of the curse. The Idol trembled on the shelf and once again, Dr. Pritchard was stricken with yet another series of wrathful vengeance. Volcanic lava shot from the endless muff in Dr. Pritchard’s living room setting his house ablaze. He ran out of the house in a state of panic, but Jimmy calmly, yet quickly, followed him. The streets were being destroyed with disruptive tornado activity.

JIMMY: “Jimmy! We got to get back to the office… it’s the curse of Zubar!”

19. Аквариум (Aquarium)
"Лебединая сталь"  4:50
Равноденствие
St. Petersburg, Russia

With the assistance of Jimmy, Dr. Pritchard was able to maintain minimal self-control, although he was still noticeably plagued with some serious ailments. He desperately needed to investigate the cursed Idol, but ended up having to examine a few muffs instead. Each muff either appeared mutated, animated, or made ridiculously absurd comments. As he inserted his finger into Loretta, her muff grew fangs and bit off his finger. Dr. Pritchard screamed as blood sprayed the exam room.

JIMMY: (laughing calmly) "Just chill out Jimmy, she's just on her period… we've seen this before. Your finger is gonna be fine. (laughs again) "Man, I gotta tell ya, that is one fucked up looking muff!"

18. Felt
"Riding on the Equator"  8:55
Poem of the River
Birmingham, England

DR. TLICKAEOPOO was the first member of the Yakowoowoos to disembark the plane. The other passengers quickly raced off the plane in order to inform their friends of the zany tribe and to further observe their butt cheeks. Once the Yakowoowoos made their way to the busy city streets, the American pedestrians walked past them, while staring in awe.

DR. TLICKAEOPOO: "Clk tk oo stt, bdw x kk nbl ee uxi. Zubar clk qa x coo."

WHITE LADY NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC TRANSLATOR: "DR. TLICKAEOPOO say… holy shit, look at all these mother fucking white people. Zubar has definitely cursed all of them."

Their spiritual rituals had taken them to their proper destination. However, they were currently lost in this strange city and needed to perform another sacred ritual in order to conjure the spirits. They returned to the airport lobby, and danced, jigged, and chanted around the luggage carousel. Onlookers awaiting their luggage stood and stared without paying any attention whatsoever to the luggage loading onto the rack. The crowd cheered for the finale of the ritual.

DR. TLICKAEOPOO: "Ckk ldf eoek of uu k city bus."

They raced out of the lobby and ran to the nearby bus stop.

However, the Yakowoowoos were unaware that DR. TRESSLEMAN had given away the precious Idol as a sadistic prank to his nemesis. Their spirits, as they had requested, were guiding them to the whereabouts of DR. TRESSLEMAN, who was en route to large stadium to watch a football game with his friend Stan.

They garnered even more attention on the city bus than they did at the airport. One man who was sitting towards the front of the bus stared awkwardly as the bare ass cheek directly in front of his face. Some of the passengers heckled them.


17. The Wedding Present
My Favourite Dress"  4:15
George Best
Leeds, England

Scalpers in front of the downtown arena were selling quality tickets for $50 apiece, which was considerably expensive for 1987. The Yakowoowoos needed 12 tickets, and agreed that LUTUNUU should remain outside just in case DR. TRESSLEMAN left the building. They observed the scene, recollected a vision from the ritual… FLASH: Dreamlike vision of the scalper selling tickets.

DR. TLICKAEOPOO: (to the scalper) "Kk bke sliek gdhlk dk ck gll clikc dotie."

SCALPER: (staring at the tribe awkwardly) "Man, get the fuck out of here with that shit. Y'all niggaz need to go home and put some damn clothes on."

The Yakowoowoos smiled merrily at the scalper as they were giddy to finally see another black man in this strange county. They were certain that he would be able to help them find Zubar.

DR. TLICKAEOPOO: (to the scalper, in the exact tone as before) "Kk bke sliek gdhlk dk ck gll clikc dotie."

SCALPER: "You mother fuckers is them weirdos that be putting plates in your lip and shit ain't ya?"

16. Exodus
"Brain Dead"  4:17
Pleasures of the Flesh
San Francisco, CA

ORSON WELLES NARRATOR: (VO) “The Yakowoowoo tribe quickly became a major spectacle. Unfortunately, too many people in America expect everybody to be exactly the same, and therefore, they have become exactly the same… millions of replicas of the exact same douche. This particular tribe, now known as the “bro crowd,” is known for their distinct characteristics of totally brainless and annoying behavior. Infestations of bros are commonly spotted at all sporting events. As a means to conceal their own inadequacies and due to the fact they have never held jobs and their parents spoiled them, bros found it necessary to ridicule the Yakowoowoos simply because of the way they were dressed and their foreign mannerisms… as if the bro crowd lifestyle would be an improvement over anything, smelly hippies included.”

The scalper allied with the Yakowoowoos.

SCALPER: (to the bro crowd harassing the tribe) “Hey! Ya’all need to go play somewhere else.”

 ORSON WELLES NARRATOR: Even after it had been brought to her attention, the bro crowd still insisted they were amusing.

Nancy the National Geographic emerged into scene. First, she shoved away ORSON WELLES NARRATOR. Next, she unveiled a set ran of ninja chucks and unleashed the art of Nunchaku that left all of the bros lying bloody on the sidewalk. Finally, she handed the scalper $2000 for 12 tickets and led the way to the stadium.

15. Lowlife
"Hollow Gut"  3:58
Diminuendo
Grangemouth, Scotland

Zootooki was extremely thirsty and finally figured out how and where to obtain a beverage. She was unsure how to communicate with the clerk and paid $50 for one cup of Pabst Blue Ribbon. They momentarily developed moderate interest in the game, but were suspicious as to why they were repeatedly shown on this enormous video screen. Perhaps it was a mirror, but these other people dancing in the alternate images were baffling.

14. Swans
"Like a Drug"  5:34
Children of God
New York, NY

Nancy the National Geographic translator arrived with the scalper and located the confused Yakowoowoos attempting to resolve their numerous obstacles. They figured the tribe would require assistance with their mission. Being a scalper, SCALPER obviously had a couple extra tickets and had earned plenty of money from the tribe. First, Nancy explained the entire process involved with the stadium, such as where to go to the bathroom, etc. This was helpful information. However, it was considered freezing cold for the bush tribe, and walking bare footed in a stadium bathroom is never pleasant. Furthermore, Zootooki had fallen in love with the scrumptious taste of Pabst Blue Ribbon and Nancy informed her how to purchase cups for a mere $3.

13. Янка Дягилева (Yana Dyagileva)
"От Большого Ума"  3:42
Не положено!
Novosibirsk, Russia (1966-1991)

It was briskly cold and Nancy insisted the insufficiently tribe visit the stadium’s souvenir shop to purchase warmer clothes more suitable for the wintery climate. Unfortunately, the only clothing sold at this store was sports gear featuring team logos and the Yakowoowoos had no idea how to even put this on. Furthermore, they did not favor any of the featured styles. Selecting appropriate clothes became a major debacle because simply tried on the clothes they found most ridiculous and laughed at each other in the mirror. The employees at the souvenir store seemed utterly bewildered because only Nancy could understand what they were saying.

They officially decided to wait on guard by the exit for DR. TRESSLEMAN to leave the stadium. It had been deemed impossible to find him inside the arena. Furthermore, they had drawn enormous attention and were even interviewed by the local news.

 Zootooki was completely shit-faced after consuming three cups of Pabst Blue Ribbon and unknowingly became a television superstar after her interview with the reporter… translated by Nancy. It proved entertaining for all parties involved. The media wondered about this mystical idol Zubar and agreed to conduct a thorough investigation; Zootooki wondered why these white people dressed in such strange clothes. Other tribe members inquired about the video camera while staring directly into the lens examining the strange device with confused glances.

12. Pentagram
"Burning Savior"  9:08
Day of Reckoning
Arlington, VA

Dr. Pritchard removed Zubar from the ledge and examined it carefully.

JIMMY: “Think Jimmy, what the Hell is this thing?”

DR. PRITCHARD: “I don’t Jimmy… something from the pits of Hell.”

They took turns examining it, even though Jimmy is but an imaginary person. Dr. Pritchard opened up the window and prepared to toss it outside.

JIMMY: (stopping him) “Now what the fuck’s that gonna do? The mother fucker is cursed right now… by some voodoo shit we don’t know shit about. You throw that mother fucker out there, we’s still gonna be curse. We gotta lift this curse somehow.”

Zubar lit up with glowing orange lights and steam emitting from him. Dr. Pritchard dropped Zubar to the floor and clutched his hands as if he had been burned; grabbed the side of his neck as if he were in severe pain. JIMMY backed away in fear, and simply stared at the cursed Idol in horror.

Blue fire filled the lawn of a suburban house; the flames grew no higher than the grass. A smiling little girl walked out onto the porch and stepped into the yard. She was soon covered with a layer of blue flames and quickly dropped to the ground—face down in the blue flames. The hottest of fires quickly disintegrated the house and spread down the road in one perfectly straight narrow lane. Each home lit up one-by-one as the flame rolled past until each house on the street was set ablaze.

The flame made its way to a crowded street filled with busy shoppers. They were happy one minute, and within seconds, they were ignited head to toe with the blue flame. Hundreds of pedestrians on the streets were set ablaze, in pain, in sheer panic, running around aimlessly, crashing through the shop windows. Within minutes, the entire village was an inferno.

11. Pixies
"Caribou"  3:14
Come On Pilgrim
Boston, MA

Dr. Pritchard was in no condition to be examining muffs, but was required to anyway. He and Jimmy discussed strategies to dispose of the Idol and uplift the curse while the patients stared at him awkwardly while asking irrelevant questions. Jimmy warned him that destroying the idol could have treacherous results… possibly even fatal. As he examined Mrs. Simpson's muff, the indestructible statue stared at him. He spoke to the statue, he spoke to Jimmy… Mrs. Simpson discussed her daughter's boyfriend being a huge loser and assumed that Jimmy and the statue were part of the conversation. Dr. Pritchard did not even hear her, nor did he pay any attention to her muff for it was but a dark hallucination of a duck with a spear chasing an antelope into the orifices of Mrs. Simpson’s muff. 

10. Dinosaur Jr.
"Tarpit"  4:36
You're Living All Over Me
Amherst, MA

Zubar’s magical powers sensed the tribe was not in any immediate danger for it discerned The Yakowoowoos delight while trying on unfitting clothing styles. Their temporary enlightenment altered everything in the clinic and Zubar was now smiling. The clinic was suddenly transformed into a tropical paradise and sweet cartoon hummingbirds circled Mrs. Simpson’s muff. Dr. Pritchard felt he had resolved the issue and deemed that Mrs. Simpson's muff held the mystical power to break the curse. Dr. Pritchard contemplated disposing the idol in Mrs. Simpson's muff, but Jimmy stopped him prior to doing so.

9. Penguin Cafe Orchestra
"Dirt"  4:49
Signs of Life
United Kingdom

Suddenly, the world seemed to be moving at a slow pace void of all colors… just Jimmy, the doctor, the Idol, and some quack talking about her daughter's boyfriend… all in slow motion black and white. Mrs. Simpson arose from the exam table and walked out of the office in slow motion, bearing a creepy black and smile, and she said something that sounded like a record playing backwards.

Judith entered next, still in black and white slow motion. She removed all of her clothes and propped up on the exam table. As she was sitting there with her legs spread wide, her muff was the only object in the room with color. Her muff lips were droopy, tainted brown due to old age, and her muff hole had become unpleasantly loose because she masturbated excessively with vacuum cleaner attachments. During this time, Dr. Pritchard could not hear Jimmy, who also sounded like a backwards record.

Dr. Pritchard hastily apprehended the idol from the shelf and rubbed Zubar's face into Judith's muff. This came as quite a shock to her and the look on her face validated that she found this act disturbingly appalling. However, Judith’s facial expressions quickly transposed to a woman feeling ecstasy on the verge of an intense orgasm. The effects of the statue’s touch were purely exhilarating and gold dust sparkled from Judith’s muff. Within moments, the good powers of Zubar worked magic and Judith's muff was mysteriously glamorized. Afterwards, her rotten old muff lips were firm, gorgeously pink, and her hole was as tight as it was back before she discovered the joys of vacuum attachments.

Judith fantasized about how great her life was going to become with newly revitalized confidence she possessed since receiving a muff job; she purchased all of the remaining “Happy Muff” T-shirts on her way out the door.

8. Renaldo & the Loaf
"Hambu Hodo"  6:46
The Elbow is Taboo
Portsmouth, England

The jubilation was temporary and immediately subsided the moment DR. TRESSLEMAN left the stadium. Vlegu spotted him exiting down the stairs and urgently gathered the rest of the tribe to follow after him. The Yakowoowoos, now dressed in improperly fitting sports attire, chased DR. TRESSLEMAN down the stairs; he was relatively far ahead of them.

Zubar’s cute smile transformed into a creepy sneer and once again smoldered on the mantle. The curse had returned worse than ever and spun in midair.

Peggy had the misfortune of entering the exam room at this moment and she too had fallen under the doomed spell. She looked completely deranged as she quickly undressed and spread her legs wide open on the table. They kept spreading wider until they were eventually wrapped around her back. Then, Peggy’s legs grew to gigantic lengths and her muff was spread so far that a person could walk inside of it. The fiery pits of Hell lurked inside of Peggy’s muff; it was infested with terrifying demons as the flames soared from her muff.

Pure wickedness erupted when the phantoms elevated from her tormented muff and stalked the clinic. They were armed with deadly assault weapons and on a mission to destroy everything. Unfortunately, this was really happening.

JIMMY: "Ok, Jimmy, let's get the fuck out of here!"

Dr. Pritchard escaped into the next office, leaving Peggy’s stupid ass still inside the office under attack; chaos could be heard from outside the door. The other patients in the waiting area heard all of the commotion and rushed to investigate the situation.

Doris was the stupid ass white bitch who first decided to open the office door in which a deadly ruckus was obviously taking place. Upon opening the door, the evil was unleashed upon the rest of the clinic. The demons forced their way out of the door—backhanded Doris, and knocked that stupid white bitch to the ground. They surged into the reception area, destroying the coffee pot, the television, and ripped all of the pages out of the magazines.

DEMON: (with a cheesy demonic voice) “These magazines all SUCK!!!” (ripped the pages out of the issue of Better Homes and Gardens.

7. Butthole Surfers
"Kuntz"  2:25
Locust Abortion Technician
Austin, TX

DR. TRESSLEMAN spotted the Yakowoowoos and dashed away immediately and the Yakowoowoo tribe aggressively pursued after him. Downtown pedestrians were physically assaulted and knocked out of the way… first by a distressed gynecologist followed by a primitive tribe oddly dressed in sports apparel… then Nancy, the National Geographic Interpreter, who was the most forceful and ruthlessly shoved innocent bystanders through window panes… followed by a considerate ticket scalper, who apologized to people, politely asked “excuse me” and offered assistance to a woman who pushed into a patch of bushes… finally a drunk bush woman who laughed the entire time. The chase lasted in this manner for several blocks, and wreaked major havoc in the process.

Gynecologists are not exactly known for their blazing foot speed—unlike National Geographic reporters. Nancy finally caught him, and tackled him in a back alley. She proceeded to beat him senselessly and repeatedly rammed his head into a dumpster. DR. TRESSLEMAN was down on the ground nearly unconscious as Nancy continued kicking him furiously and stomping on his face.

6. The Smiths
"Death of a Disco Dancer"  5:26
Strangeways, Here We Come
Manchester, England

They apprehended DR. TRESSLEMAN, and after a series of interrogations, forced him to return Zubar to them. DR. TRESSLEMAN eventually confessed to all of his crimes—mainly because DR. TLICKAEOPOO kept jabbing him with a sphere and threatened to stab out his eye. Coincidentally, Nancy was a patient of Dr. Pritchard's, and finally recognized him from the party. As a result, she beat him down again.

Nancy related the situation to the bush tribe and explained that Dr. Pritchard was not the applicable person to be cursed; he is guilty of no crime and undeserving of any punishment. In the midst of speaking in the Yakowoowooian language, DR. TRESSLEMAN would interrupt and she quickly would have to shift her speech to say things like, "shut the fuck up", then return to speaking Yakowoowooian.

MUSIC MONTAGE:

DR. TLICKAEOPOO stared into a shop window at his reflection and seemed confused.

(LINE: “I never talk to my neighbor, I’d rather not get involved”)

An image of DR. PRITCHARD standing on a street corner listening to his neighbor describe symptoms of muff—she was extremely animated and even dropped her britches while emphatically pointing at her bare muff—cars drove by and stared at her.

(LINE: “Love, peace, and harmony… maybe in the next world.”)

The demons were terrorizing the entire clinic. They apprehended DORIS into the full-nelson and repeatedly punched her in the stomach. Others were vandalizing the reception area, bashing the end tables with wooden clubs, one jerked the telephone out of the receptionist’s grasp and hung up on the patient, and another stormed into the women’s bathroom and yanked out all of the toilet paper while a bearded Post-Op sex change recipient was sitting on the toilet.

(MUSIC OUTRO) For no reason in particular, they tore through each of the exam room doors with chainsaws.

5. The Cult
"Aphrodisiac Jacket"  4:11
Electric
London, England


The demons were on the verge of slaying the entire staff and clientele of patients, who desperately feared for their lives. They finally retreated into the men’s restroom, which was almost as messy as the demolished clinic. It was sheer madness as the patients were screaming, hollering, and attempting to keep the door closed in order to prevent the demons from entering.

And all of sudden, the madness stopped entirely and all seemed calm.

4. Close Lobsters
"Mother of God"  7:55
Foxheads Stalk This Land
Glasgow, Scotland


Doris started to open the bathroom door again, when Ellen slapped her upside the head.

ELLEN: "You whore! You are the one that let them out of the office in the first place."

The patients quickly ganged up on Doris, slapped her around, then slammed her face down into the toilet and flushed it. They pulled her back out of the water, and ordered her never to open a door again when being faced with demons.

Fortunately, the demons had all disappeared.  However, the reception area was in shambles and the magazine selection was destroyed… there was no more coffee. Doris's wig was still floating in the toilet.

Although the demons had perished, the spell was still active. Dr. Pritchard remained in a hallucinatory state of euphoria; although the illusions were no longer nightmarish… the world appeared absurdly comedic with a hint of demented visuals. Peggy emerged from the exam office; she was unharmed but in a daze. She too was under the spell and could now see Jimmy.

JIMMY: “Yo Jimmy! I think this white bitch can see me.”

PEGGY: (speaking slowly, still in a daze) “I see you… mother fucker.”

Finally, the remnants of a new spell enchanted the entire clinic.  All of the patients were acting strange and the clinic was transformed into a psychedelic illusion that featured magical characters randomly appearing.

An orange man with long rabbit ears shoved down the exam room door that had been mutilated by the chainsaw.

ORANGE MAN: (Smiling, excited, like an auctioneer): “Step right in folks! Come on in! And witness for yourselves… the greatest spectacle kn… (stopped in mid-sentence the moment he saw DORIS; shoved her back outside) Bitch! Why you always got to be the first mother fucker entering doors and shit. (Turns her around and kicks her in the rear) Get your monkey ass out here… God damn mother fucker ain’t got no business in here no how. Get your mother fuckin’ wig out the God damn toilet!”

A series of bizarre looking creatures quickly entered through the window on a conveyor belt and the eccentric looking entities utilized the gynecology tools to perform quick rapid-paced operations on all of them. None of this had to do with gynecology though. When it was all finished, several creatures had peculiar alterations to them… a candy bar sewn to a lip; the gynecology head light now in a creature’s one eye; and another’s mouth spaced out and opened up like a muff.

3. Sonic Youth
"Master-Dik"  5:10
Sister
New York, NY


The tribe disembarked from the city bus and followed Nancy’s guidance for she knew exactly where to go. They followed her through the streets, which, although not downtown anymore, they were still crowded. As usual, The Yakowoowoos were a distracting spectacle and this town seemed peculiar to them.

Christmas decorations were abundant, children played strange games, and shoppers raced around the sidewalks. The Yakowoowoos could not resist peaking into windows and asking about some of the useless shit these stores were featuring in the windows… such as mannequins. Many of them wished they could purchase a mannequin for they had some money left.

Dr. Tlickaeopoo felt a massive disturbance because the goal of the mission was the well-being of Zubar. Without Zubar, the tribe would be doomed, possibly even stuck in this strange land. He wondered what would happen if they had to stay here and live amongst white people. Maybe Teeknu-arlu could learn how to operate this bus and drive them back to Africa.

A group of people were sitting on the car, playing music. The bush tribe had never heard anything like this before. They were entranced and had to stop and listen for it. "What is that?" they asked Nancy.

NANCY: "dk jfe kk dt Sonic Youth."

Zootooki suddenly complained of a disturbance herself. She felt strange. Nancy told her it was just the effects of Pabst Blue Ribbon. Zootooki felt as if it were something more serious. A major problem on hand.

Dr. Tlickaeopoo suggested everybody develop a sense of urgency and recover Zubar much quicker than their current rate.

DR. TLICKAEOPOO: (Angrily to the tribe) “Erk eds dkeh cklek dlkfjekl dkfelgt dkndlt!!!”

NANCY: (Kindly interpreting) “Dr. Tlickaeopoo says, ‘ya’all niggaz need to hurry the fuck up and stop fucking around this bullshit! We got get mother fucking Zubar back, or else all of our asses is fucked royally. We all gonna look that immobile white bitch there in the mother fucking window. Now stop fucking around, and let’s go!”

2. The Jesus and Mary Chain
"Nine Million Rainy Days"  4:30
Darklands
East Kilbride, Scotland


Dr. Pritchard felt that the idol had done enough damage. He grabbed the idol, shook it, and slammed it to the ground. However, it was indestructible and the excessive force proved meaningless. He and Jimmy decided the best solution was to return the idol to DR. TRESSLEMAN and place it in his office. They assumed that once it back in his possession, then he would be the one who was cursed. Zubar was carefully wrapped and Dr. Pritchard prepared to dispose of the cause of his time in Hell.

The entire time he wrapped Zubar, he called it names, said mean and hurtful things about its’ mama, and wished dreadful things upon the indestructible Idol. However, the curse was nearing its’ end and Zubar made a sad pouty face.

#1. Spacemen 3
"Transparent Radiation"  7:50
Perfect Prescription
Rugby, England


Dr. Pritchard felt that the idol had done enough damage. He grabbed the idol, shook it, and slammed it to the ground. However, it was indestructible and the excessive force proved meaningless. He and Jimmy decided the best solution was to return the idol to DR. TRESSLEMAN and place it in his office. They assumed that once it back in his possession, then he would be the one who was cursed. Zubar was carefully wrapped and Dr. Pritchard prepared to dispose of the cause of his time in Hell.

The entire time he wrapped Zubar, he called it names, said mean and hurtful things about its’ mama, and wished dreadful things upon the indestructible Idol. However, the curse was nearing its’ end and Zubar made a sad pouty face.

Right as Dr. Pritchard was leaving to dispose of the Idol in his office, DR. TRESSLEMAN entered and had been beaten badly. He was mysteriously with Nancy, one of his favorite patients. Also, there was strange group of bush men dressed in sports apparel, and a ticket scalper. Dr. Pritchard was unsure if this was another hallucination, and turned to JIMMY.

JIMMY: “It’s cool.”

JIMMY mysteriously disappeared.

Nancy explained everything. The patients in the office apprehended DR. TRESSLEMAN, forced him into the men’s bathroom, and slammed his face into the toilet… we they pulled him out; Doris's wig was now on his head.

Zubar was returned to its rightful owners. The curse was uplifted. The Yakowoowoos celebrated the way an African tribe celebrates; Zubar awarded them a mannequin of a white bitch.

The good spell returned, as the gynecology clinic was now a place of tranquility. Zubar recognized that DR. PRITCHARD enjoyed smoking marijuana and made the clinic appear as a psychedelic haven.

JIMMY re-entered the office.

JIMMY: “Hey Jimmy, I’m a real now. All these mother fuckers can see me.”

Unfortunately, yet another serious problem emerged. Upon meditating with Zubar, it was determined that the solution required Dr. Pritchard’s assistance. The tribe became remorseful as they were informed of the dreadful emergency. Dr. Tlickaeopoo offered Dr. Pritchard a lifetime of peace and prosperity, that the powers of Zubar were good powers, that he would forever live in harmony if he helped them out.

Dr. Pritchard looked baffled, but agreed to do so.

ZOOTOOKI: (To Dr. Pritchard) “Ekered, dekk dkjel dlfkje dleck ckei…”

NANCY: "Zootooki says…  Doctor, it's my muff, it smells like Pabst Blue Ribbon."



END CREDITS: Sanctuary
"White Rabbit"  3:13
Refuge Denied
Seattle, WA


Written, Designed, and Music Compiled by Tony J. Neal

None of the original songs were ever intended to be used in this type of format.
Descriptions in no way shape or form intended to be a truthful reflection or interpretation of the song or the artist in reference.
All characters and themes completely fictitious and any similarities to actual people living or deceased are coincidental.

Band info and images provided by rateyourmusic
Playlists created on 8tracks
Discogs.com for Official Russian Track Listings
Dedicated with love and compassion to all the gynecologists around the world
Extra special thanks to The Red Krayola & Jefferson Airplane for writing credits of the #1 song and featured track end credits.


End Credits Image by: Oscar Strasnoy
Bottom Image by: Pussytypes.org
Top Image by: Straight-Friendly Blogspot


©2011






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