2011/10/19

NC17 Top 175 Songs of 1987

Dr. Pritchard's Clinic + The Top 175 Songs of 1987
Part 1: Previews of Coming Attractions
Part 2: Muff Stench Hysteria
Part 3: Doctor Visits Shrink
Part 4: Sausage Controversy
Part 5: Customer Appreciation Party
Part 6: Zubar's Curse
Part 7: The Gynecologist's Bad Acid Trip

Part I: Previews of Coming Attractions


Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.



175. Suzanne Vega
"Tom's Diner (Reprise)"  2:41
Solitude Standing
Santa Monica, CA/New York, NY

Howard desperately wanted to see the movie that was just released this Friday. He called his wife Betty and told her to have her fat ass ready, the show starts at 7:40. Also, the Vincent's were invited as well, and they were meeting them at the theater. So was Bobby, Steve, Edna, and Shirley... this was going to be one hell of an extravagant event!

174. אהוד בנאי
"Melancoly"  5:58
Ehud Banai & The Refugees
Jerusalem, Israel

That whore Betty took forever to get ready. "God damn it! You fucking whore," Howard told Betty, "you know how I don't like to miss the fucking previews!"

173. David Sylvian
"Let the Happiness In"  5:37
Secrets of the Beehive
Beckenham, England

When they arrived at the theater, the previews had not yet started. In fact, they were so early that nobody else was even in the theater. The screen was in the process of showing commercials and various trivia questions. "Where the fuck is everybody," he yelled out loud, but only his wife heard him. "Beats the shit out of me you sorry cock sucker," she told Howard, "now sit your ass down before I put a foot in it!"

172. Tyrant
"Too Late to Pray"  3:18
Too Late to Pray
Pasadena, CA

Howard went and took a piss. Decided to visit the concession stand...bought some popcorn, two cokes, and a box of candy. The shit cost $34.

171. Beat Farmers
"Key to the World"  3:26
The Pursuit of Happiness
San Diego, CA

When Howard returned to his seat, Steve and Edna had arrived and were seated next to Betty. "Look Howard," she said to him, "Steve and Edna have arrived."

"No shit bitch," Howard responded, "I can fucking see that."

170. Leatherwolf
"The Calling"  4:04
S/T
Los Angeles, CA

Howard was equipped with his massive old-fashioned cordless phone that he brought along with him. It was but an old cordless land line phone that he assumed could be used as a cell phone. He attempted to call Bobby and Shirley at home on their land line to see what the fuck was taking them so damn long. "Shit!" Howard blurted out, "this phone doesn't work in here. It must be the theater, I'm not getting any reception."

169. Government Issue
"Young Love"  4:22
You
Washington, D.C.

Shirley and Bobby were still at home. They had no idea how to get to the theater, never even heard of the movie, and were thinking up excuses to use instead of actually going. Finally, they decided to just go... dressed exactly how they were, which was nothing spectacular. This was the first time they had been out in weeks.

168. Sacrifice
"Afterlife"  4:14
Forward to Termination
Toronto, ON  Canada

People had begun to fill up the movie theater. It was during those moments while the lights were still on, still showing trivia questions, no previews, and people still talking. But, some people were getting annoyed with many of the people sitting by them. Some jackass was chomping his popcorn too loud.

167. David T. Chastain
"The Oracle Within"  4:15
Instrumental Variations
Cleveland, OH

The loudest person in the theater was Edna, 2nd being Howard. The two of them were annoying most of the people around them, mostly because Edna laughed incredibly loud about nothing.

166. The Leaving Trains
"Temporal Slut"  2:59
Fuck
Los Angeles, CA

Edna sounded as if she were drunk off her ass, again. She was loud, obnoxious, and extremely annoying to the other patrons. The topics she found amusing, less than 13% of those surveyed found even slightly funny. Some cat seated towards the back named Harvey thought about throwing popcorn at her monkey ass.

165. Pink Turns Blue
"Walking on Both Sides"  3:44
If Two Wolds Kiss
Köln, Germany

As the theater was beginning to fill, people had to sit next to strangers they had never met. It always sucks when you're sitting in a theater and some fat nasty popcorn chomper arrives and sits right next to you. This happened to one person, and he angrily got up and moved; considered returning to the box office to inquire about exchanging the tickets for any other movie except this one.

164. Sodom
"Electrocution"  3:14
Persecution Mania
Gelsenkirchen, Germany

Bobby and Shirley were lost. They were driving around in circles wondering just where in the hell the cinema was located. The two assholes weren't anywhere near the theater, and they were only three blocks away from their house. This was the farthest away from home they'd ever been.

163. Death
"Baptized in Blood"  4:29
Scream Bloody Gore
Alamonte Springs, FL

The trivia questions were now repeats, but Edna was still getting the questions wrong. She seemed shocked whenever it displayed the answer. Everybody else in the theater had already seen the answers. They were playing music by Death in the quiet theater.

162. Dream Death
"Bitterness and Hatred"  5:19
Journey Into Mystery
Pittsburgh, PA

The most frequent topic of conversation throughout the theater was Edna, Howard, and those other assholes seated with that miserable twit. They were annoying and disruptive; people simply tried to ignore them, but it was no use. People were wishing dreadful things to happen to them, such as their seats suddenly ejecting them into a different time period altogether to where they would be eaten by gigantic dinosaurs.

161. Infernäl Mäjesty
"Skeletons in the Closet"  3:51
None Shall Defy
Toronto, ON  Canada

Shirley was nagging Bobby because he was lost. He was searching extensively for the theater in the middle of a residential subdivision; stopping in front of each house and asking Shirley, "is that it there?" Finally, he recklessly merged onto the main street and into oncoming traffic. Amidst  the sounds of blowing horns and obscene hand gestures, he swerved abruptly to avoid collision with a livestock truck; they strayed off the median and nearly rolled into a creek.

160. D.B.C.
"Negative Reinforcement"  2:56
Dead Brain Cells
Montreal, QC  Canada

Several of the movie goers went to the manager and complained about Edna and the others in their group. This shit was horrendous and people could no longer tolerate their bullshit. One person seated towards the back, a fellow named Doug, thought to himself: "If these God damn mother fucking sons-of-bitches don't shut the fuck up, I will fling a 24" Paiste crash cymbal at them and chop off their heads!"

159. Agnostic Front
"Happened Yesterday"  2:29
Liberty and Justice For...
New York, NY

One man stood up and confronted Edna. She told him to sit his ass back down or else there was going to be trouble. He did. She spoke loudly about how that asshole had no business talking to her like that. "Who the fuck does he think he is?" Steve turned around and glanced at him while stuffing a wad of popcorn in his mouth; he assumed this was intimidating.

158. The Dukes of Stratosphear
"Brainiac's Daughter"  4:00
Psonic Psunspot
Swindon, England

Many of the women in the theater heard the debacle. They began insisting they were going to kick this bitch's ass. Several of them went to the row in which they were seated in order to confront them. As were the people seated near them already.

157. Over Kill
"Electro-Violence"  3:45
Taking Over
New York, NY

Bobby and Shirley were now in the middle of forest, still driving around in the car. There was not another single person in sight. It was pitch black and they weren't even anywhere near the road, and hadn't been for a long time. Bobby periodically gazed at some trees wondering if that was the theater.

156. The Young Gods
"Fais la Mouette"  4:48
S/T
Geneva, Switzerland

Tension was mounting in the theater as an all-out heated brawl was intensifying. The movie was scheduled to start, but was delayed... they still had not even started the previews. There was a lot of shouting, screaming, cursing,  and threats. Many people were now out of their seats and gathered towards the row in which Edna was still making the most noise.

155. Excel
"The Joke's On You"  2:47
Split Image
Venice, CA

Somebody from the back threw a full large Coke at Edna and drilled her in the back of the head... her hair was fucked, so was her clothes. This bitch was soaked. She stood up and got nasty with the people behind her, and another woman stood up and slapped Edna across the face; another woman dumped a full bucket of popcorn on her head. The two ladies began throwing punches across the seats.

154. Angst
"Mind Average"  3:47
Mystery Spot
San Francisco, CA

In the forest, Bobby drove haphazardly into a lake of quicksand. The car couldn't move, and was sinking rapidly. Bobby kept trying to rev up the gas wondering why it wouldn't move. Shirley insisted that he must hurry or else they were going to miss the previews.

153. American Music Club
"Nightwatchman"  4:48
Engine
San Francisco, CA

Security, the usher, and the manager arrived onto the scene, as the patrons escorted them to where Howard, Edna, and the others were seated causing a disturbance. It had escalated into near-riotous conditions and things were getting ugly fast. There was popcorn, cups, and various other items soaring through the air... even the ruffled feathers of a few chickens who had also purchased tickets was floating over the seats.

152. Rage
"Execution Guaranteed"  6:50
Execution Guaranteed 
Herne, Germany

The group had been involved in several fights, although it had settled to mostly pushing and shoving at this point. Edna got her ass kicked and blood was gushing out of her nose and had splattered onto somebody's Juju Fruits. The spectacle was the primary focus of attention in the whole theater, as most patrons were now standing rather than sitting.

151. Julian Cope
"A Crack in the Clouds"  8:02
Saint Julian
Deri, Wales

Howard never even got to see the previews... he, Edna, and the others were thrown out of the movie theater with excessive force. Edna did not go quietly and violently removed from the theater in the full-nelson induced by the usher; she was thrown outside onto the concrete. Bobby & Shirley never made it either, they sunk in the quicksand and were never seen again. Order was restored. Now, sit your asses down, and let's start the fucking film.



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