Part 1: The World Was Actually a Better Place Without Him
Part 2: Deletion Addiction
Part 3: Submission Requests
Part 4: Night of the Party
Part 5: Aftermath: Shootout at The Cheese Bar
Part 6: Online Dating
Part I: The World Was Actually a Better Place Without Him
For best results, press play on the image below to follow the stories with the music.
150. The Fatima Mansions
"Angel's Delight" 4:32
Viva Dead Ponies
Sally enjoyed riding her bike extremely fast down hills. The other day when she did this, Sally crashed into a parked car; the unfortunate accident caused severe head trauma and left her in a wheelchair. Billy, the owner of the parked car, sued the now handicapped Sally for more than the car was worth and won the case. Also, the doctors sued her for the medical bills and filed a judgment against her ruining her credit for life. Sally is stuck in this town forever and has no opportunity to ever fulfill her ambitions. She is bitter towards society, and often fantasizes about committing mass homicide by conducting drive-by shootings from her wheelchair.
149. They Might Be Giants
"Particle Man" 2:09
Boston, MA/New York, NY
Billy tested as a retard in school, but his parents demanded that he receive special attention from the teachers because he had the right to an equal education. Throughout school, the lessons lagged behind from the other schools in the district because the entire class had to work at Billy the little retard's level. Anytime a teacher would scold Billy for being stupid, his parents would threaten to sue; often enter the school’s premises just to be involved in heated arguments with the school's officials.
148. Drivin' -N- Cryin'
"Build a Fire" 3:16
Fly Me Courageous
With the money he was able to save from kissing his manager's ass for 40+ hours a week, Ernie was able to travel across the country and ask the same stupid ass questions everybody else does. Although he assumed he was a stand-out in the crowd, he was so ordinary that when the It's a Wonderful Life angels came to visit and show him what the world would be like if he never was born, the world was exactly the same way it is now. Nothing was changed.
"Cowboys From Hell" 4:07
Cowboys From Hell
Billy parked his car so that it took up two spaces. He did this frequently because he was too stupid to park his car properly. The car was parked illegally when Sally crashed her bike into it by accident. The other day he thought he had the right to pull his oversized vehicle into the last two spaces at Pick n' Save. However, the people in the car behind him demanded that he move that piece of shit. Billy refused because his mommy said he could do whatever he wanted. The guys in the car emerged from their vehicle and beat Billy down in the parking lot; the proceeded to trash his car with a tire iron. He attempted to sue, but nothing was accomplished.
"Fuck You Up and Get High" 0:40
Blood, Guts, and Pussy
When the It's a Wonderful Life angel came down to show Billy what the world would be like if he were never born, they discovered that the world was a significantly better place. Therefore, they deleted Billy's sorry existence and sent him to purgatory. After studying the case even further, they went ahead and deleted his parents too, then the entire family tree. This was the moment when the world began to make a turn for the good. Sally was debt free and able to ride her bike again.
145. Steel Pole Bath Tub
"Heaven on Dirt" 6:39
A careful study of Ernie's life indicated there had to have been some change. They did notice how one day some people at a store became extremely annoyed by the questions he persistently asked. The employees became so irritated that the angry mood carried over to the next customer. However, the study indicated that the next customer asked the exact same questions as that asshole Ernie. This dubious procedure was taking place everywhere and it seemed an alarming amount of public employees lived life in an extreme state of disgruntled frustration. The angels conducted an experiment and deleted every single person who asked the same questions at one particular store.
"I Profit" 7:05
Oppressing the Masses
San Francisco, CA
A review was performed on those creditors who had filed a judgment against Sally. It appeared the doctors who sued Sally already had enough money to live comfortably; they even had a stockpile of luxuries and money they were not using. They were willing to ruin a handicapped person's life who was already plagued with misery for two hours worth of work in which they did not even accomplish anything. Noticing a pattern towards a better future, the angels deleted all of the doctor's who filed the judgment, their lawyers, and the judge who awarded the settlement to them.
143. Soda Stereo
"Un Millón de Años Luz" 5:05
Buenos Aires, Argentina
Marty had become so distraught with the world that whenever he attended the few events he still enjoyed, he would go out of his way to avoid speaking to people. If anybody spoke to him, he would awkwardly walk away. Pamela and her friends found it necessary to engage in meaningless conversation with him at a concert. They asked about the band, he said they wouldn't like them. They asked about his girlfriend, said he didn't have one. Asked about his boyfriend, he wasn't gay. Where are your friends? I don't have any. Why? Because I never got around to it.
142. The Icicle Works
"Hope Street Rag" 3:29
For some strange reason, Pamela thought Marty was extremely cute. She was aggressive in her pursuits to court him and was convinced that he HAD to hook up with her. Marty found her annoying, and was equally aggressive at trying to get her to just go away and bother somebody else. Pamela was not willing to accept “no” for an answer and grew increasingly irate with Marty because he did not wish to have anything to do with her.
"Vast Halos" 4:20
US/UK (U.S. singer + ex-member of The Church, UK)
Despite the fact that Marty was obviously annoyed with her, and not paying any attention to her whatsoever, Pamela persisted with talking to him anyway. She told him all about where she worked, where she lived, how long she has lived in the area. Marty would respond, "That’s nice", every great now and then. His answers to her were short and often only one word. He rarely made eye contact with her.
"Void Terra Firma" 5:25
Void Terra Firma
First, Marty told Pamela that he was a registered sex offender and that he had to promenade around the neighborhood and inform everybody about his crime. She asked what he had been convicted of and he simply responded, "Lots of stuff." That he had done hard time in the penitentiary and the people in his neighborhood were having meetings to have him exiled from the community. Unfortunately, she had the Internet on her phone, didn't believe a word he said, and looked him up on the registry. When she got angry because he wasn't listed anywhere, he said that he had changed his name. Pamela was ready to punch Marty, but still insisted talking to him.
Next he tried to tell her that he had a “super contagious disease” (those words exactly.) When she asked which disease, he said he didn't know the name of it. Normally, guys would pursue Pamela, and she had to tell them off. The one guy she liked happened to be this loser. She did not even like Marty anymore, but was just not willing to accept rejection. After a series of medical questions in which Marty did not know one single answer, she slapped him across the face and ordered that he stop lying to her or else she would kill him… those words exactly.
138. Asylum Party
"Les Temps Des Serpents" 3:57
Pamela had hit Marty so hard that his face turned red and began to swell. Generally speaking, intentionally striking somebody in the face normally terminates the conversation. However, in this incident, Pamela forced Marty to remain by her and talk to her. Marty told her that he ran with a street gang and they were on their way right now to kick her ass. Pamela drilled him again and told him that if he made one more remark of that magnitude, then that would be it for him; and that he had to stand next to her for the duration of the concert without looking awkward or uncomfortable.
137. Lou Reed/John Cale
"Faces and Names" 4:12
Songs For Drella
New York, NY
Marty pointed out that there were lots of other guys at the concert, and most of them were better looking and had better personalities than he did. He insisted that he was below average, had a low IQ, didn't have any money whatsoever, and that he was a premature ejaculator. Furthermore, she kept calling him by his name and he did not even remember hers. Also, Marty told her that he was homeless and hadn't taken a shower in nearly two weeks. Pamela punched him in the stomach so hard that it caused him to buckle over in pain; she then pinned him up against the wall, kissed him passionately, and ordered that he shut the fuck up and not say a single word for the rest of the night.
What's the Truth?
When the band started, everybody crowded up towards the front. As people gathered around Marty, he shriveled up and took all means necessary to avoid any physical contact with anybody. Pamela assumed this was directed towards her, and demanded that he at least try to not look so uncomfortable standing next to her. Marty did not respond, but Pamela kept yelling at him anyway. She was in mid-sentence when Marty spotted an opening a few feet away; he ducked underneath a few people and slid his way to the last remaining free space, and away from Pamela… finally.
135. Into Paradise
"The Circus Came to Town" 3:37
Under the Water
That was it for Marty. Pamela was so insulted about him ignoring her and ditching out while she was talking, that she forced her way through a crowd of people, grabbed Marty by the hood on the back of his jacket, and jerked him back to where she was standing; where he was standing previously. She proceeded to yell at him in front of everybody, and then said, "You know what? I'm sick of this!" She jerked Marty by the hood once again and forcefully shoved him out of the venue and into her car.
134. An Emotional Fish
"Lace Virginia" 4:01
It was a short ride to Pamela's house, and Marty was only able to get in a few threats stating that he came equipped with a tracking device because he was a very important person on a special mission and that people would be coming to find him. Now, it was Pamela who was ignoring Marty. Once at her house, she jerked him out of the car, pushed him up the steps to her apartment, locked him in her bedroom, and sexually assaulted him. She even took his belongings and said that if he tried to sneak out in the middle of the night she was going to track him down and stab him in the face.
"That Ain't Bad" 4:00
The next morning, Pamela awoke, pinned him down on the bed, and forced him to pleasure her again. After she was finished, she pushed him out of the bed, threw his clothes at him, and shoved him out the door and down the steps. Marty had a long walk home and it was a bit chilly outside. Pamela was upset because she thought that maybe she was in love with Marty and he had mistreated her. Marty was upset about missing the rest of the concert.
132. Ed Hall
Love Poke Here
Pamela told all of her friends exactly what happened. They all complained about how big of a prick Marty was and that Pamela should have beat the shit out of him and finished him off for good. The girls recollected the entire evening, talked about everything that Marty had said, and exclaimed how big of a loser he was. It was obvious why he doesn't have any friends. This was the biggest piece of shit they had ever encountered and Pamela hoped that he was struck by a bus during his long walk home in the cold.
131. Killing Joke
Extremities, Dirt And Various Repressed Emotions
Marty did not tell a single person about what happened. The entire way home he mumbled to himself about how much of a bitch Pamela was and that he shouldn't have to take this kind of abuse. He fantasized about hiring the mob to go over to her house and beat her up. Once he arrived home, he went back to bed, took a nap, and when he awoke, declared fuck it, and thought no more about it ever again. It was as if he forgot the whole ordeal… as if it never happened.
130. The Blue Aeroplanes
"Jacket Hangs" 3:41
Soon, it did not happen. The angels observed the situation. What they saw: Pamela's group was deeply affected while in a borderline state of frenzy that included telephoning Marty and making gruesome death threats. On the other hand, Marty did not seem fazed at all. As a result, Marty was deleted.
129. Claw Hammer
"Warm Spring Night" 4:25
Los Angeles, CA
Joe realized that if anybody he knew and loved were to die right now that he did not have one single dime to contribute to the proper burial; he would have to rely on family members to pay for everything… and be like, “I'll get you back on Friday when I get paid.” He hoped that nobody he knew would die until after he got paid, and his electric bill was paid. Should somebody die, his family would hate him worse than they already do. Somewhere along the lines, it was established that all people should have a proper burial and a funeral. Because everybody had to have this in order to be in compliance with state laws and public code of morals, businesses sought to profit from this.
"Chopped in Half" 3:47
Cause of Death
His uncle Carl died in freak accident. Luckily, it was just Uncle Carl, and he wasn't obligated to pay for any of the funeral. At the funeral, Joe could not even grieve for Uncle Carl because he didn't really like the fucker too much anyway. Actually, Carl was a genuine prick. The whole family hated him. Hardly anybody showed up at the funeral. His mother cried. She had to pay for everything, probably why she was crying. The estimated cost of the funeral was $25,000, in which hardly anybody showed up. This did not represent a good value.
127. Eric B. & Rakim
"No Omega" 4:48
Let the Rhythm Hit 'Em
New York, NY
A co-worker died. Luckily he did not have to fit the bill for this either. Sherm was a good worker, and all the employees got along with him. It was a shame he died, and so soon. He was at work yesterday, working hard. Maybe it was the hard work that killed him, he was 83. After careful consideration, Sherm should have retired. His funeral was not elegant at all, he was placed in a cardboard box for a casket. But, there were an enormous amount of visitors. He overheard a group of his family members in a room arguing over the funds for the funeral. It seemed one person was stuck with the bill and a few others were unwilling to contribute. This was why Sherm still had to work so hard at age 83.
126. Muhal Richard Abrams
"One For the Whistler" 6:51
Blu Blu Blu
To avoid any funeral costs, Joe killed himself without anybody knowing it. He didn't even know it either, for it wasn't intentional. Perhaps it was destined, because the world knew he could never pay for a funeral, and it appeared as if he was never going to be out of debt. His whole life seemed useless. Although people loved him, simply put, there was never any hope. Not one single person knew where he was, and most believe he is still alive. He ain't though. Fucker's been dead.
Top Left Image by: Smile Politely
Top Right Image by: DeviantArt
Bottom Image by: Twister Nederland