The Matador + The Top 100 Songs of 1994
Part I: 100-76 "98% of all Bullfights are Exactly Alike"
Part I: 100-76 "98% of all Bullfights are Exactly Alike"
Part II: 75-51 "98% of all Matadors are Exactly Alike"
Part III: 50-26 "The Charges Have Been Brought Forth"
Part IV: 25-#1 "Disaster is a Matter of Opinion"
Part I of IV: 98% of all Bullfights are Exactly Alike
Press play on the image below to hear of all the songs in the exact order.
100. Frank Black
"Two Reelers" 3:02
Teenager of the Year
Nobody in town knew the bull; most had never even seen him, and none could accurately describe the bull's personality traits. Many of them had no awareness that this town even had a bull living within the proximity of the region. A few of the townsfolk knew the matador... several of which despised him and could not stand to even look at him. Most of the spectators at the bull fighting arena had never accosted either of the two, and definitely had never taken a personality quiz to determine with whom they would be most compatible. However, the majority of them were yearning for the matador to defeat the bull, a bull they had never seen one single time in their entire lives. Despite the fact they knew not one single thing about the bull, and had failed miserably in any sort of biology, zoology, or any studies in animal behavior, the spectators cheered for the bull to be humiliated and brutally killed. Their television sets had encouraged all of them to be a disgrace to humanity, and finally they had resorted to shamelessly participating in disreputable entertainment.
99. Sunny Day Real Estate
"The Blankets Were The Stairs" 5:27
Of the participants in the battle, only one of them was here by choice—that being the matador. The other, the bull, had no desire to be here whatsoever. The spectators were all the same species as the matador, there were no other bulls permitted in the audience. This was the natural habitat for the matador. The bull, on the other hand, had no clue where he was or why he was even here. It was obvious the matador held home field advantage, yet the disgraceful society viewed this as a fair fight.
"Cruel Swing" 3:02
For Your Own Special Sweetheart
Another element that declared this an unfair fight was the notion that the matador was permitted to carry a sword, while the bull held no weapons. Furthermore, there were other disgraces to humanity present on the playing field to ensure the safety of the matador. There were no other bulls present to ensure the safety of the bull. In fact, this was not even slated to be a bull “fight”; rather a bull “murder”.
97. Fu Manchu
No One Rides for Free
San Clemente, CA
Those suffering from the social dilemma known as lack of intelligence all paid good money to purchase expensive tickets and attend the bull fight. Some of these imbeciles even bought souvenirs in order to proudly display to other disgraces in humanity they had been on hand to witness the glorious spectacle. It was a big night for many of them; they had planned on doing this for weeks. Some were living a lifelong dream.
What Fun Life Was
Throughout their history of existence, they had been taught that bulls were villainous creatures with similar traits as terrorists. They believe that bulls do not like people, perhaps because they are jealous of freedom. These monsters want nothing more than to kill people, and killing many of them at a time brings them closer to their God. The bull’s God is an evil God, unlike the God who dictates this disgraced society. It has also been depicted that some of the images of Satan, the unholy one, has the head of a bull.
95. Joy Electric
"The Electric Joy Toy Company" 3:59
Santa Ana, CA
Bullfighting is considered a fun event, much like a festival. Also, it has become a featured tourist attraction, as people will travel to other countries to enjoy the amusement of bull slaughter. This is a tourist attraction because the festivity has been outlawed in numerous other countries. Tourists at a bullfighting event are as equally annoying as they are every place else. Most of them bring cameras, take photographs of each other playfully dressed in the silly matador garments, and ask the same 3 or 4 ridiculous questions all the others have asked previously. They think they are special and make it a habit to inform the natives that they are from out of town.
94. Purple Overdose
"The Unreal Life" 4:47
Supporters of bullfighting consider the sport an art, mainly because they were unable to grasp anything while watching a David Lynch movie and were completely clueless throughout the entire duration of the film. Most of these spectators are country bumpkins who can only comprehend simplistic conventional subjects. Although they are proud supporters of bullfighting, most are staunch protestors of “crimes” such as abortion, marijuana usage, and using cuss words such as fuck, shit, and ass in public or in any form of media.
93. Erectus Monotone
On the other hand, terrorists do not support bullfighting. The Quran clearly doctrines that it is a major sin and has deemed it ultimately wrong in the eyes of God/Mohammed to torture, abuse, torment, or kill an animal as a source of entertainment. The religion of Islam is one of the only religions that has NOT granted man domain of the Earth. It is safe to say that if terrorism was in fact a plot based on the religion of Islam, then bullfighting arenas would be a top subject of terrorist attacks. Knowing airplanes have never crashed into a bullfighting arena, it is difficult to associate terrorist attacks with the religion of Islam. But, people still feel the two are related, and many of these can be seen at the bullfighting arena taking pictures and asking questions.
92. The Halo Benders
"On a Tip" 3:06
God Don't Make No Junk
There are several phases of the bullfight. It is not simply one person versus one bull in a good clean fight. In fact, by the time the matador even enters the arena, the bull is already too tired, weakened, drugged up, and severely injured to even properly defend itself. In order to satisfy the bumpkins and tourists, there has to be some value for the ticket holder, and the torment of the bull is prolonged. It is a show of sort, intended to provide multiple scenes of amusement for the audience, to keep the children smiling.
91. The Moles
"The Crasher" 3:31
Nobody asked the bull about his schedule, or if participating in the event would be convenient for him. The bull had not known any of the people at the party, and if asked, the bull would have kindly rejected the offer. If the bull would have been informed the truth, it is most definite that he would have refused. But, not a single one of them took the interest of the bull into consideration. Instead, one day just out of the blue, he was picked up by the people who are unable to comprehend anything artistic, more than likely had to listen to awful music and boring conversation for the entirety of the trip, and taken to some mysterious arena the bull never even knew existed.
"Moon Dance" 2:29
Glad to Get Away
Once the bull reaches the arena, he suddenly finds himself surrounded by morons who are almost exactly like the douche bags who drove the bull to the arena. Furthermore, the music at the arena is just as bad as the music that was playing in the vehicle. For reasons unknown, the tourists take photographs of the bull—which is utterly annoying no matter what species you are. Then, these people are extremely cruel to the bull, saying mean things to him, throwing objects at him, some even trying to hurt the bull. The bull would rather be back in the field minding his own business, than having to put up with these useless disgraces of society, their cruelty, and their bad music.
89. Organized Konfusion
Stress: The Extinction Agenda
New York, NY
One spectator showed his child what you were supposed to do when you see the bull. While the bull was not even looking, and completely unaware of the spectator and the child that 87% of a recent survey considered “ugly”, the father threw his beverage cup, as hard as he could, and hit the bull right in the side of the face. This was the first time imbecile, ugly stupid child, and bull had ever seen one another. Of course, the bull was tied up by numerous of bad music fan humans, and was defenseless. But, if the bull were free to react, the imbecile and his ugly child would not have committed the violation in the first place.
"F Pt. 2" 1:09
Cactuses Come In Flocks
This incident was duly noted in The Grand Scheme of Things Board Meeting. A few days after the bullfighting event, a stranger on the streets approached the silly father, and beamed him in the face with a half full can of Red Bull. The silly father was not being tied down by anybody and was free to react however he wanted. And just how did he react? He cried real tears right in the middle of the street. He went to the doctor to have his wound examined. When he went home, pouted even more, and told his whole family how he was assaulted and could not understand how somebody could do such a cruel act right in the middle of the street. He told his children that this city needed more police.
"Religious Cancer" 5:09
It was a dumb farmer who sold the bull to the arena. In this plane of existence, human beings have the right to sell the lives of other animals for currency. Also, other humans, governors and kings, have the right to excise taxes on portions of the Earth, claiming they have the right to do this because they have no means whatsoever to generate currency on their own terms; they require forced donations from others. The dumb farmer could not pay the taxes to the governor, the governor who had never even set foot on this piece of land. In order to pay the taxes, the dumb farmer had to sell the bull to the silly imbeciles who lacked the ability to keep themselves entertained without having to employ an unwilling other species.
"Sexual Frustration" 3:13
Once in the arena, the bull is not given a specific set of instructions. Instead, the bull is completely lost and totally confused. The bull has no idea why he is even in this place, what it is he is supposed to be doing, or where he should go. He is unsure of the schedule, and completely oblivious as to what is about to happen. Some humans have such a fear of being in this exact situation that they will never attend college because the first day of class is so fearful, or, they have no idea where to go to sign up for enrollment. It would be even more terrifying if the human was required to do this by force, on the moon, surrounded by a disgraceful species who cannot even speak the language.
85. The Fall
"You're Not Up To Much" 4:05
Middle Class Revolt
“Finally,” the bull thinks to himself, some other humans. Maybe they can tell me how to get the fuck out of here. Or, where the hell is the damn bathroom? Once the humans enter the arena, the bull is normally not aggressive whatsoever. The bull does not appear to be angry, and at this moment, welcomes the humans, for the bull remains confused.
"Oh, What A Disappointment" 4:27
I Hope You're Sitting Down
The humans, however, are a pathetic disgrace to the human race. Rather than help the bull, they torment the bull, and do whatever it takes to make the bull angry. In the meantime, the lead matador simply watches the bull, observing his mannerisms, deciding the best possible way to kill the bull and amuse the silly tourists. All of the humans by the way, are dressed in the most ridiculous costumes imaginable…the socks they wear are a silly joke and look worse than that of even a clown. Ronald McDonald has more fashion sense than the average matador.
83. Dog Faced Hermans
"Les Femmes et Les Filles Vont" 4:53
Those Deep Buds
As a true confession the matador is nothing but a pussy, and could never match against a bull in a fair fight, the sissy ass matador requires a multitude of other pussies to weaken the bull for him, so that it will be easier to kill the bull and the brainless tourists in the audience will enjoy the entertainment. The other humans who enter confess to being pussies as well. They enter on horses, further enhancing the cruelty to other animals. This gives the pussies a height advantage against the bull, and protection for if the bull decides he should defend himself, it will only harm the horses.
82. California Guitar Trio
"Chromatic Fugue in D Minor" 4:38
Los Angeles, CA
The pussies riding the horses circle around the bull, tormenting it, distracting it with a brightly colored cape that matches their outfits. The brainless tourists think this is funny. Once the bull has become distracted, a pussy riding a horse will stab the bull between the shoulders with a lance. This obviously hurts, and blood oozes from the stab wound of the bull. Sometimes the pain is so sharp, that the bull will get angry, and charge after the pussy who stabbed him. The charging bull sometimes assaults the horse while attempting to attack the pussy riding it.
81. Daniel Johnston
"Crazy Love" 1:13
For a quick moment, the bull reflects on his life back on the prairie. Earlier today, he was in a nice home, around the people he loved. At this moment, all the bull wants to do is go back home. In one plane of existence, a person entered the arena who had the ability to communicate with bulls. The conclusion was simple: the bull was actually pretty cool, and when presented a list of options, the bull chose to simply leave the arena and just go back home to his girlfriend. The humans involved with the bullfight on the other hand, a disgrace to the universe… Another person had learned how to communicate effectively with the bull fighters too; most of them had dropped out of high school in the 4th grade and did nothing but watch TV for several years.
80. Gastr del Sol
"Every Five Miles" 7:49
Crookt, Crackt, or Fly
The horse flat out does not give a fuck about what’s going on around here, and is equally clueless as the bull. One minute, homeboy’s just chillin’ in the stall eating some hay, next thing you know, some asshole listening to bad music hops on top of him, and rides him into an arena. The horse has not been angered by neither the bull nor the mother fucking sissy in the costume riding his ass. In many instances, the bull and the horse share the same pastures. Due to the fact that horses and bulls live together on prairies, the horse is fearless of the bull, and considers the bull more of a friend than the coward riding him. But when the pussy stabs the bull, the bull charges after the person in a fit of rage, the horse is gored to death, and lies dead in a pool of blood in an arena full of brainless tourists. Ten minutes ago, life was fine.
79. Los Planetas
"Estos últimos Días" 4:33
During the puncture of the lance, blood continues to spill down the bull’s body. This is a wound that would require stitches if this were to happen to one of the spoiled children in the audience. But, the bull is not given any hospitality whatsoever, not even a bandage. Instead, the pussies on horses stab him with several more lances, each of them spilling just as much blood as the first puncture. To make matters worse, the lances remain in the bull, dangling across his back, and look almost as silly, with their bright colors and decorations, as the costumes the pussies are wearing. The other goal might be to make the bull look as stupid as those fighting it.
"A Song Of Changes" 2:56
Who invented these decorative lances anyway? How could a person possibly sit around the house and think of ways to decorate the slaughter of a bull? The disgraced society of tourists had become so materialistic, that they preferred the death of animals to match the gadgets in their kitchen. Their minds had become so numb, that they can only appreciate something deemed as art only if it has colorful patterns. They lacked the ability to ever fully comprehend a Cindytalk album, abstract art was definitely out of the question—their minds had not yet advanced to that level. But colorful swords and belligerent sissies in costumes…sure, that’s art.
77. Deep Turtle
"Valz / Hot Mambo / Antivalz" 10:20
There's A Vomitsprinkler In My Liverriver
Unfortunately, the real purpose for the colorful lances is to weaken the bull by bleeding him nearly half to death. After he has been punctured repeatedly, and for no reason whatsoever, he is tormented, distracted with silly looking capes, and ran around the arena until he is weak and nearly bled to death. Sometimes, they even put another stab in his neck to ensure the safety of the matador. The bull is chased around the arena even more and dies slowly.
"Go Spread Your Wings" 23:50
Finally, the matador enters the field with a sword. This person is the star of the show. Also, he is dressed the silliest and would most definitely get his ass kicked in a fencing tournament. Furthermore, drop this silly bastard off in Over-the-Rhine in Cincinnati dressed in this costume and monitor how long he survives.
By this point, the bull is too weak and tired to do anything. He has nearly bled to death, and weakened with sharp lances piercing out of the back of his neck. The matador continues to torment him with the cape, and all the bull does is attempt to rid the cape out of his face. In some cases, several other matadors return to the arena and surround the weakened bull into a corner.
If a bull ever gores a matador, the matador is rushed off the field. Under no circumstances is the bull permitted to lance the back of the matadors neck. If the matador suffered even one of the lances that were in the bull’s neck, the stupid little pussy would lie down and cry and have to be rushed to the hospital. Because the bull endured way more than the pussy ass matador could ever withstand, in most people’s opinion, by this point, the bull is already the victor.
But, that’s not the case. Belligerent sissies often have no other means of getting attention due to the fact their personalities are so dull, that they feel they have to prove a point, and display to the whole world they are capable of dominating something. After the bull has been surrounded, the matador waves the capes, strikes the bull across the nose, forcing the bull to submissively lower his head and accept defeat. Once this has happened, the matador forcefully stabs the bull through its back, and through the heart. In most cases, the matador is such a sissy that he cannot successfully do this on the first attempt (huge reason why the sissy is unable to hold any other job) and the bull simply falls to the ground in pain. In a display of grand showmanship, the sissy matador stabs the bull again and kills it. The audience can hear the bull groan in agony, and hear its last blood curdled gasp of death.
After the bull is murdered, the matador claims victory, as if he had accomplished something spectacular. As if he is now suddenly going to be perceived as a major badass…he stabbed a bull that had been weakened and had already nearly bled to death.
In celebration, the matador stands outside, with the dead bull hanging upside down by its legs, and still bleeding from the neck. The matador smiles, he is a big man now. The brainless tourists take photos of the matador, and the dead bull. Many of them ask the matador stupid questions, like tourists often do. It makes the matador feel special, as he poses for pictures with entire families, the background being a dead bull bleeding from the neck.
Bottom Image by Sharkonline. Note: Sharkonline, nor this website, approve of bullfighting and regard this particular image as sickening and the ultimate form of animal cruelty. For the desired outcome of this whole travesty, please keep reading.