Chapter 1: The Great Thomas Pilsbury Film
Chapter 2: Sex Vs. Violence
Chapter 3: Extravagant Footage From the Motherland
Chapter 4: Animal Rights Activation
Chapter I: The Great Thomas Pilsbury Film Colony
Press play on the image below to hear this selection of songs in this exact order.
Starring Popco The Rabbit...Who would later star in the Sequel to both Wicked and The Wizard of Oz
100. Count Five
"Psychotic Reaction" 3:08
San Jose, CA
Though unaccredited, Thomas Pilsbury was the first person to successfully videotape rabbits mating in the wild. Mr. Pilsbury went out into the middle of the forest with a video camera, saw two rabbits mating, and then proceeded to record the mating act in its full entirety. Fucking pervert.
99. The Cryan' Shames
"We'll Meet Again" 2:09
Sugar & Spice
Afterwards, Thomas Pilsbury remained in the forest for several weeks, following around the two rabbits to conduct studies on their relationship. He was hoping the two would engage in sexual activity again so he could do more filming. Within this span of time, he was able to shoot numerous videos of the two rabbits until the female was eaten by an owl. He failed to capture the demise of the female rabbit.
"L' Heure de La Sortie" 3:02
L'Heure De La Sortie Bang-Bang le Cinema
Thomas Pilsbury was enamored with his scientific breakthrough, and was thinking his film was going to receive awards for outstanding achievements in science. As a celebration, when he returned home, he invited all of his friends and family over to his home to watch the film. Unsure of what to expect, the friends and family of Thomas Pilsbury were a bit stunned when they saw two rabbits fornicating one another on the projection screen.
97. Johnny Paycheck
"Hang On Sally" 2:01
The Lovin' Machine
Greenfield, OH (1938)-Nashville, TN (2003)
Pilsbury was so certain that this revolutionary breakthrough in science was sure to improve his status in society. When Pilsbury went to the bar that weekend, he would approach women with confidence. He introduced himself, chatted about the weather and various other topics of small talk, and then eagerly related his tale about how he successfully captured two rabbits fucking on video tape. It seemed as if all of these women suddenly had a prior engagement in which they were in a hurry to leave.
96. The Standells
Los Angeles, CA
He would sit at home for hours watching the video over and over again. There had to be some editing, and he wished to fine tune the video for presentation, possibly even have some background music. Also, he wanted to name the two rabbits; went with Vern and Biscuits. The video became an obsession to him, but he needed help with the final project.
95. Los Brincos
"Piccole Cose" 2:44
Larry knew a thing or two about film editing and splicing. Although he found this project extremely peculiar and borderline distasteful, he helped him out anyway. It was a bit awkward when Thomas presented him with the films and seeing the bunny rabbits mating on the screen made him uneasy. When Thomas started referring to them by the names Vern and Biscuits, he had a difficult time keeping a straight face. But, the project was complete, and it now looked somewhat romantic.
94. Roy Orbison
"The Loner" 2:23
The Orbison Way
Vernon, TX (1936)-Madison, WI (1988)
Thomas often thought about the two rabbits, and how they were doing now. Of course, Biscuits wasn't doing anything for she was eaten by an owl. But, he figured that Vern had to be grieving the loss of Biscuits. It made him recollect a time in his past, a girl that he had slept with ended up getting eaten by a pack of wild coyotes, Thomas figured Vern was feeling the same he felt after that incident.
93. Loretta Lynn
"Someone Before Me" 3:02
You're Not Woman Enough
Butcher Hollow, KY
After his girlfriend was eaten by a pack of hungry coyotes out in the wild, Thomas had a difficult time dating for the next several weeks. He would go out, take a woman to dinner, and then all he would talk about was how the last woman he slept with was eaten by coyotes, like one minute they were falling in love, and the next, her carcass was covered with flies in the middle of the woods. The dates found this a bit of a turn off, to say the least.
92. The Deep
"Color Dreams" 3:06
Thomas would delve into fantasies about what his life was going to be like once the recording was made public. He would plan out elegant speeches that he was going to make at the awards ceremony and figured there were be numerous banquets hosted in his honor. This was perhaps a building block for his presidential campaign, and that suddenly he would be deemed in the top 5 most important people in the country.
"A Estrada" 4:04
São Paulo, Brazil (1944-1978)
Exactly how rabbits mate is essential for the benefit of life on Earth for all of mankind. This study was a revelation that all people needed to know. It was very important to get this tape out there, so schools could show it to children. Education standards were now seriously upgraded because Thomas Pilsbury recorded a couple rabbits getting it on in the middle of the woods. All Thomas could do was sit around and imagine all the improvements in society because of the tape.
90. Slim Harpo
"Baby Scratch My Back" 2:54
Baby Scratch My Back
Lobdell, LA (1924)-Shreveport, LA (1970)
Thomas was eager to present his video to the committee. It had reached the point where it consumed most of his thoughts, and he was no longer interested in his regular life. Better things were in store for Thomas, and he knew this, the accounting firm was no match for his scientific breakthrough. He was a new person now, with new ambitions, and new goals. Thomas had videotaped the act of two rabbits fucking, and everybody else was now but peasants to him; he was in the elite.
89. Hank Thompson
"The Wild Side of Life" 2:46
A Six Pack to Go
Waco, TX (1925)-Keller, TX (2007)
Truth is, Thomas did not know exactly where to submit the video, so he scheduled an appointment to meet with a random committee he found in the Yellow Pages. He sat in the office, discussed matters with the people in charge, and then presented the video. The people in the office were not sure what to expect either. They sat and watched quietly for a few minutes, looked around at each other and the video of two random bunny rabbits having sex in the woods. Charles, who had been summoned in from another office, snickered, and eventually buried his face in his hands attempting to conceal his laughter. It was an impossible task as he was sweating with tears in his eyes; every time he glanced up and saw rabbits doing the nasty on the video screen, he found it increasingly difficult to hold back the laughter. They stopped the film, and Thomas was escorted out of the building.
"7 and 7 Is" 2:26
Los Angeles, CA (Arthur Lee: Memphis 1945-2006)
The rejection angered Thomas, who was estimating the value of his tape to be somewhere in the millions. Upon being denied, Thomas boycotted the organization for their lack of support and created allegations that the company was only interested in the demise of intellectual society. The company retaliated by stating that rabbits fucking in the wilderness has nothing to do with advertising of cereal, which was the primary function of the company- cereal commercials.
87. Orlando Julius & His Modern Aces
"Oni Suru" 3:16
Super Afro Soul
Thinking his video was so useful that it should have multiple purposes, he devised the notion that a still of the two mating rabbits could be incorporated on a cereal box displaying the coital bunnies eating a bowl of Corn Flakes, which would be far more appealing than that foolish rabbit Trix was attempting to market, that rabbit wasn't even real. Then he wondered how the Trix rabbit would mate and if only he could get a few shots of that process.
86. Robbie Basho
"The Grail & The Lotus" 6:11
The Grail & The Lotus
Baltimore, MD (1940)-Berkeley, CA (1986)
Ned was a rich man, albeit a very stupid one. He was the proprietor of a successful business that his great grandfather had started, and now the business was his. It had been passed on to him from his father, and all Ned knew was the business of manufacturing railroad ties. Due to the fact that he had led a sheltered life in which little was ever expected of him, his experiences in life are limited. Lately, he has been wondering just where it is all of these creatures in the forest come from.
85. The Association
"Along Comes Mary" 2:46
And Then...Along Comes The Association
Los Angeles, CA
Ned was seated on his porch drinking tea when he made a marvelous discovery. A rabbit entered his yard and was walking around in the grass. At first, Ned simply observed the rabbit, studying its habits. Ned's family had been well educated and made a habit of attempting to make new discoveries; Ned was trying to act this way, finally, but was considered an imbecile by most. This was a fascinating creature. Ned approached the rabbit and asked, "hey little fella, where do you come from?" The rabbit responded, "Fuck you, go back to drinking tea you silly imbecile."
84. Joe Tex
"The Love You Save" 2:58
The Love You Save
Rogers, TX (1933)-Navasota, TX (1982)
Thomas Pilsbury's videotape was not received with the welcome greetings that he had hoped. Many were beginning to openly ridicule him for showing people the film, and it was having a negative effect on his life. However, Thomas remained persistent, kept his hopes up, and declared that the rest of these people were simply distraught in their lives because they lack the proper education; the learning that comes equipped from viewing a video of rabbits mating. One day, he vowed, the video would be the solution to all of the mishaps of ordinary life- there is a lot to learn by observing the mating habits of rabbits.
83. Marianne Faithfull
"Tomorrow's Calling" 3:03
There is nothing more valuable to the progress of humankind than evaluating the mating habits of bunny rabbits. Out there, somewhere, Thomas knew that there were agencies that were in dire need of a film that clearly depicts the mating of rabbits in their natural environment. This was a topic of great interest, and Thomas knew it. He would survey random people and ask their interest level in the mating of rabbits, in which 1.6% claimed significantly interest (a +/- of 1.6% is given due to the fact some participants had a history of ironic responses).
82. Chico Buarque
"Pedro Pedriero" 2;39
Rio De Janiero, Brazil
The experience Ned had was the 4th known time a rabbit had spoken to a human being, and the first time it had happened in 2,446 years. Once upon a time, 14,683 years ago, rabbits and human beings would converse together, making music, sometimes mating with each other. Eventually, the humans who had all evolved from rabbits were conquered by kings who had evolved from donkeys and elephants. This was a sad day for all involved, and the rabbits held a grudge against their human counterparts.
81. Jackie DeShannon
"To Be Myself" 2:27
Are You Ready For This
Pilsbury would sit around for hours watching the film of the rabbits mating. Like what so many other people experience with repeatedly watching various programs, Thomas Pilsbury developed an attachment to the characters on his. He was influenced by the rabbits and found their characteristics absolutely stunning, unlike his natural dull existence. Soon, Thomas beginning showing similar behavior patterns as the rabbits, eating out of the garbage, standing completely frozen when a human would approach, dropping little pebble turds in the bushes.
80. Cornelis Vreeswijk
"Jag Hade En Gång En Båt" 2:59
Grimascher Och Telegram
Ijmuiden, Netherlands (1937)-Stockholm, Sweden (1987)
Tillman was the name given to the rabbit down the road who had been adopted as a pet. The family loved Tillman so much that they kept her in a small wire cage and never allowed her to run free. They never spent any time with her either, and assumed she was a boy. Periodically, Tillman could see outside, even got loose once. Tillman was plagued with nightmarish visuals of large groups of people riding bicycles past her, then disappearing.
79. Buddy Rich
"Basically Blues" 5:40
Swingin' New Big Band
New York, NY (1917)-Los Angeles, CA (1987)
Ned and Pilsbury met at a small cafe on the east side just out of the blue Pilsbury was eavesdropping on the conversation Ned was having with the server, for he kept inquiring how rabbits are spawned and kept insisting that one of them actually spoke to him. The server was giving Ned about 5 more minutes before she was calling the police when Pilsbury approached and joined the conversation Pilsbury told Ned all about the video he had filmed; Ned was overjoyed to hear this.
78. Bert Jansch
Thomas invited Ned over to his home to watch the film; Ned eagerly accepted the offer the same way desperate men enthusiastically accept offers to go home with a drunken slut. Ned watched in awe, completely captivated with both the film and Pilsbury's elaborate narration of the video. A neighbor came over and witnessed Ned and Thomas watching a film of two rabbits having sex in the forest and wondered what kind of freaky shit these two clowns were up to; she fled the home of Thomas Pilsbury and never returned.
77. Esther Phillips
"Release Me" 3:20
The Country Side of Esther Phillips
Galveston, TX (1935)-Carson, CA (1984)
Tillman could not stand being confined in the cage, and blamed that imprisonment on the hallucinations of the bicyclists. When the family got home, they found an odd amount of rabbits gathered around the windows. Once the family entered the home, the rabbits started playing music and singing in harmony; Tillman sang to the family this song, and a wonderful performance. The family did release Tillman, the sat around dumbfounded about the shocking incident that just happened. They weren't shocked with the fact that rabbits could sing and play instruments; it was shocking to find out that Tillman was a female. If there was only a way to distinguish this better.
76. Sun Ra
"The Shadow World" 10:58
The Magic City
Birmingham, AL (1914-1993)
Although no human knows about this, Chackanawa was the first rabbit to ever successfully film two humans mating. Rabbits had been eager to study the habits of human culture for years, especially since the conquerors no longer allowed them to live in harmony. The two subjects happened to be Ned and Thomas Pilsbury. Unlike in the human world, Chackanawa had no troubles submitting her film into the field of education. Rabbits all over the world viewed the film of Ned and Pilsbury doing the nasty, and most assumed Ned was the female. Most rabbits are required to view this film in 2nd grade.
Top Image by: Ipochimen-in-Romania
Bottom image by: Common